Ashes-to-Dust

*Candyland*
2003-05-21 06:19:43 (UTC)

i always forget the goddamn title

I broke up with jenni....
i needed to do it, im too in love with vanessa to be with
anyone else right now....
its just not right..
i thought maybe being with someone else would help me get
over vanessa, and move on with my life without her,
and maybe that would be good...
but it didnt work that way...
i think, my problem is, i dont really want to get over her..
all i want is to be with her...thats all ive wanted for a
long time now...but there always seems to be something in
the way...
i know it was stupid to get with jenni in the first
place...but yea...
so i guess im pretty much back where i started...
vanessa is still with robert, and im pretending again...
but this time things are different...
this time she feels the same...
i know she loves me, and she wants to be with me, but she
thinks shes not ready...
and shes afraid of all of the things that come with
being "gay",
and shes only afraid because she hasnt experienced it...
if she had she would see that its really not that bad, and
theres nothing to be afraid of...
and the people that she doesnt want to know about us,
dont have to know...
i dunno....
i hate to say this, but im hoping that she will soon break
up with robert...
i know she would be so much happier with me, and i know
that she does too...
i just dont know what she wants to do, and i dont think she
really does either...

Everyone tells me that im stupid for waiting for her,
and chelsea thinks that she's playing with my mind....
but they dont understand...
WHY doesnt anybody understand?
i know i shouldnt talk about vanessa as much as i do
because it makes me look pathetic, but i cant help it...
she's always on my mind...
everything about her makes me crazy...
she's coming over saturday..
i cant wait to se her....but its only wednesday...
i hope this week passes by really fast....
i do i do i do oooooo....
:)...dont ask....

-A.M.




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