Meesa and Leglin's secret pi

moshing kiwis
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2003-05-19 20:06:45 (UTC)

quiet time out

uuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrg! im pissed off right now, look what
that pimply fuckhead bastard aaron wrote about me in his
online journal, "i just realized something. ive become
what i always despised, my ex." all i ever was to him was a
loving girlfriend, the first and only one who'd even give
him a second look back in those days, sure robbie and i
kissed and that means i fucked up, but other than that all
i ever did was love him! obvisously he's still too little
of a boy (and i mean that on 2 levels, mark my word!)to do
anything but to mark me as "what he's always dispised"!!!!!
excuse me, i forgave him for fucking lying to me all
summer, saying he loved me and all that bullshit for 2
months, wasting my valuable time, smashing my heart to
bits, making me sit in that fuckin A&W ("what i've always
despised": fast food) for two hours, no apparently he wont
give me a drop of respect!!!!! ooooooo! how i'd love to
kick him in the fuckin' peasized balls so hard they'd
become his eyeballs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it looks like i'll be living with melissa for 2
weeks...uh that's gonna be weird, i mean, i haven't really
been friends with her since i was in grade 7, it's one of
those, "oh, hey, haven't seen you for a year, but hey" kind
of friendships. i don't even know if she wants me to live
with her, i didn't talked to her, dad talked to her parents
but that's not finding out if she wants me around for 2
weeks...i just wish dad didn't have to go after my mom in
greece...but he's leaving this saturday and without my mom
he's falling apart...my family feels like it's falling
apart...i feel like im an orphan, if it wasn't for leesa
and buddha, i'd be alone...it's a bitter realization...i
shiver when i think of it, but i've got to stay postive,
even if i want to sleep through the time dad's gone. it's
my only hope, i've got to stay positive and keep myself
together or i'll fall back into what i try to escape.
christ, grandpa finally phoned, he says they might come
down for 4 days or something...it's not completely
comforting though...part of me was hoping and praying
they'd be here the whole 2 weeks, but they wont i
guess...my head's throbbing again, but i don't want to look
at the tylenol bottle.
leesa, promise me, swear to me that you wont tell anyone,
please please please please please don't be mad at me, but
i was going to do it and i couldn't help it. the other
night my head was just pounding and i was running on auto
piolit, the bottle was right there in the palm of my hand
and it was suddenly so comforting, the easy way out, right?
28 pills in the bottle, that would have done it, it would
have at least knocked me out and i could then drown in the
bath so i took 16 because it seemed ironic and i love
irony. but then i just couldn't swallow them, they just sat
on my tongue for a while until i spat them out in the
toilet and flushed them away. im really sorry, i wish i
didn't, i wish i could do as laura told me to and just "get
over it".


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