Mezzo Swede

A Toast to World Domination
2003-05-17 10:05:47 (UTC)

Shampoo of Mass Destruction!

I cannot, simply CAN NOT, believe what just transpired
here. I am baffled by recent events that have unfolded,
launching me into a frantic battle against...soap bubbles.
I arrived at my parents house and grabbed my bag from the
car, only to find a few minutes later, that my shampoo
bottle had expelled the entirety of its contents all over
my stuff. Now, mind you, there were a lot of valuable
things in this bag. Some were saved, others were
not...Among the rescued items were my beloved Bear, my
father's phone charger (as if I wasn't already having
enough cell phone problems...), and most of my make-up.
Things that were demolished include my best pair of work-
out shoes (not that I work out that often, but that's
beside the point...), two pairs of my lovelier
undergarments, and here's the kicker...two shirts. Not just
any shirts. There were the last two of my "wearable"
shirts. And by the term "wearable", I mean shirts that I
LIKED to wear, and in fact the last two shirts that I
hadn't tragically outgrown. I had three other favorite
shirts, that fit...they met their demise in the form of
accidental laundering by Luis. Not his fault by any means,
but either way, they were ruined. I now have a total of NO
wearable semi-formal tops/shirts. I thought this day would
never come.

Let me digress for a moment. I feel it is important to also
mention the shampoo itself. This was not my ordinary
shampoo. This was my high-end, salon only, uber-expensive
shampoo. Why?! WHY!?!?! There wasn't a single glob left in
the bottle. It was ALL in the bag, and on my stuff.

The story isn't over. I bet you wish it was. You're still
better off than I though, because I want nothing more right
now than for NONE of this to have happened at all. I tried
to wash the bag itself in the washing machine. Apparently
that was a terrible idea. While I was fighting a losing
battle with the shampoo suds on my shirts and undies
upstairs in the shower...I smell something burning. I run
downstairs. Nothing is actually on fire, but the shampoo
suds had become a blob in the washing machine. The machine
was working in it's highest gear trying to process this
hostile army bubble, and hence what I was smelling was the
odor of an overactive appliance. Meanwhile...upstairs, I
had left the water running. When I return I can't even find
my shirts, because the whole bathroom is covered in a
growing tidal wave of shampoo.

Here I sit. Shampoo-less, shirt-less, bag-less, shoe-less...
I unplugged the washing machine because I was starting to
fear that it might revolt, and explode in my face. A chance
I wasn't willing to take. I must say, I did manage to keep
somewhat calm throughout this trying ordeal. I only
screamed once, and that was when the suds were climbing
over the walls of the tub. For a second there, my life
flashed before my eyes. It wasn't really my whole life. It
was mostly just highlights. But then I realized that it
wasn't just my trivial life at stake here...

At the prospect of the entire earth being covered by
shampoo suds, all because of me, I pulled myself together.
I don't know where I found the strenght, but I fought
bravely and gallantly, quenching the bubbles with water and
strategic towel-action.

So really, you should all be thanking me for saving your
lives this evening. If it weren't for me you all could have
found yourselves in a really bad 2003 version of the Steve
McQueen movie "THE BLOB". Of course, I guess it is my fault
that you were all placed in danger in the first place...

But let's not be petty.




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