Infiniterocker

hello kitty cat
2003-05-16 09:43:43 (UTC)

the end of me

Robiti: the job will be the easy part I love working
Robiti: especially in my field
CzarinaPulseczar: cool
Robiti: im taking about meeting someone then starting
something
Robiti: thats the hard part
CzarinaPulseczar: oh a family
CzarinaPulseczar: it's easier than you think
Robiti: how do u know?
CzarinaPulseczar: I dont know
CzarinaPulseczar: there are plenty of women who wanna
settle down
Robiti: i think i am one of the few guys that wants to
settle down
Robiti: and soon
CzarinaPulseczar: well there are plenty of girls who want
a ring on their finger
Robiti: yep
Robiti: i'll graduate
Robiti: then ill be all by myslef
Robiti: and i dont want that
CzarinaPulseczar: well get used to it..it's something we
all have to do
CzarinaPulseczar: I've felt really aloen for a while
now..even though I've been involved w/people
Robiti: so have i
Robiti: its not fun
CzarinaPulseczar: you have to learn to enjoy your own
company before you can enjoy someone elses
Robiti: i have been alone for almost 3 years now
Robiti: i enjoy too much of myself
CzarinaPulseczar: tonight I had a bad wake up call about
this guy I've been seeing
Robiti: im sorry to hear that
CzarinaPulseczar: its' alright, I'll live
Robiti: break-ups aren't fun...
CzarinaPulseczar: no they aren't..this wasn't a breakup
though ..there was no exclusive-ness hah
CzarinaPulseczar: I really love this guy too
CzarinaPulseczar: and he love sme...or he says he
does...I think he does.
CzarinaPulseczar: that's why it's so fucked up
CzarinaPulseczar: I need to move on though, knowing I
can't have him hurts me way too much..I'm really trying to
move on..I'm not having much luck
Robiti: maybe it's for a reason
CzarinaPulseczar: yea
Robiti: but if you love him dont give up sometimes guys
just have a tendancy to fuck things up when they seem too
good to be true (:
CzarinaPulseczar: I haven't been giving up for like 5
months..and he jsut keeps saying something and then saying
another...or doing something and then totally doing the
opposite...one day he's hot one day he's cold
Robiti: we men are experts at relationships
CzarinaPulseczar: he's like "i love you, things are
always better when you're there with me, you make me happy,
yo'ure my best friend, but I just don't feel I'm the one
for yoU"
CzarinaPulseczar: etc etc
CzarinaPulseczar: I practically lived with him at one
point
Robiti: damn i dont know about that one
Robiti: aren't couples supposed to be best friends and
make each other happy..and love one another?
CzarinaPulseczar: he just goes back and fourth from
beliving he wants to be with me, to knwoing he's "not the
one for me"....and finding some other woman
CzarinaPulseczar: hah...well...I guess I'm don't make him
happy enough
Robiti: he should know he's damn lucky to be able to be
with you..or to have a chance..
CzarinaPulseczar: we spend a lot of time together, I
don't like going w/o talking w/him for too long....I worry
about him when I don't hear from him and shit....it's so
silly because he doesn't care too much abou tmy feelings
at all
CzarinaPulseczar: yeah he should
CzarinaPulseczar: he has no clue
CzarinaPulseczar: he has an issue with my age too which
is very immature...you knwo it's the one thing I can't
change even if I wanted to....you know?
Robiti: how old is he??
CzarinaPulseczar: 33
Robiti: damn, you don't know how many guys his age would
kill to have an 18-21 year old as their wife/girlfriend
whatever
Robiti: damn that is a little weird kelly
CzarinaPulseczar: yeah I know...most older guys love the
idea of a younger woman..it's funny cause he's the first
person I've ever dated w/a problem w/my age
Robiti: you've always dated older guys too
CzarinaPulseczar: The last big relationship I was in was
w/a 21 yr old---so I don't ALWAYS go out w/older
guys...just whoever I like lol
CzarinaPulseczar: age is unimportant
CzarinaPulseczar: I've met some 38 year olds who are
fucking kids....I've met some 21 year olds that are wiser
than most people I know.....so it could go either way
Robiti: some guys never grow up
CzarinaPulseczar: yeah I've learned that the hard way...I
wish I liked women
Robiti: i was done being a kid three weeks after high
school ended and i started college
CzarinaPulseczar: I was done being a kid when I had to
learn how to pay bills at fuckin 13 thanks to my wonderful
set of parents....then when I had to move out at 16 and was
welcomed to the real world....damn having no family sucks
Robiti: you've lived more than most 50 year olds though,
youshould write a book kel...you've had it tough
CzarinaPulseczar: yeah but a lot of people had it way way
worse than I did...I'm in a good place now though. I just
wish the man I fucking love wanted to be wtih me.
Robiti: i know, i really thought i was going to stay with
laura...i thought she was going to have my children....but
you know how that turned out. and now i'm ready to start a
family...i want to be a father....and i don't have anyone
in my life that i would want to be my wife.
CzarinaPulseczar: aww I'm sorry Brandon, you'll find
someone when the time is right. you're a good guy. Damn I
wish I wasn't so ready to just be with someone.
Robiti: well, you never wanted to go out with me...! I
tried...!
CzarinaPulseczar: hahha yeah well
Robiti: oyu were with danny most of the time i knew you
anyway..but don't worry about that guy kel, he'll regret it
if he fucks it up with you
CzarinaPulseczar: I don't think he'll think twice about
it, he avoids talking about anything that involves the
emotional termoil of our "relationship" if that's what you
want to call it...he has no problem finding other women
that's for sure, and he falls in love very often
Robiti: like you've ever had a problem finding men kelly?
CzarinaPulseczar: I just really love this guy...I don't
know I guess I need to fucking get over myself and move
on..........damn it's fucking 4:24 I gotta go to sleep....I
want to wake up while the sun is still up tomorrow
Robiti: well be his friend if you can't be his girlfriend
and if the guy has any sence he'll realize what he's missin
babe. you sleep tight. i'll let you know when i'm coming to
visit texas....maybe i'll even bring john and mike if you
have room for us all hahha
CzarinaPulseczar: I would love to see you guys...I dunno I
don't have a house like you obviously....I live in a 2
bedroom apt. w/a roommate lol so if you wanna sleep in the
living room go right ahead!
Robiti: looks like we'd be getting a hotel then lol
CzarinaPulseczar: What ever makes you happy.... Have a good
nite...or should I say morning...
Robiti: goodnight !




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