Asmodeus

No time for love Dr. Jones
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2003-05-15 03:53:35 (UTC)

I know the feeling, it is the real thing, the essence of the truth

I've finally come to the realisation that I'm not very good
at finishing things I've started.

This diary is a prime example. I set it up fully intending
to update it every couple of days, yet as I look through
now, the last time I did update it was january.

It's not a great deal of fun, admitting faults in your own
character, but lately I find that I've doing my fair share
of it. Belinda and I have been, well not fighting, but
there's something weird going on. I get the feeling that
she's upset, or disappointed, or just plain pissed at me,
most of the time. Which puts me to thinking, is it
something I've done and just don't realise, or am I just
generally becoming less fun to be around?

I've organised (I use this term loosely) to go on the
annual BFO (Boys Fortnight Out) tour with my mates to
Melbourne in a month and a half, and lately I’ve wondered
if it’s going to be that fun? I honestly think I’m becoming
less fun to be around, and now I worry that I may cause
this trip to stink. I’m not entirely sure this is the right
frame of mind to be in before going on such an adventure,
but I can’t seem to shake this feeling.

Another upcoming ‘fun’ event is my birthday. I’m not overly
excited about this year. Aaron’s suggested that I organize
a cocktail party. Under normal circumstances, this would be
an almighty shindig that I get fully psyched & pumped
about, but with a distinct lack of friends, I’m worried of
the evening being a flop, which is prompting me to
reconsider. It’d be nice to get together with my family and
all mum and dad’s crinkly friends, and get roaring drunk,
but it’s not quite the evening I think I need right now.
What a pain in my ass.


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