ABeautifulDisaster

Ramblings of an Angry Squirrel
2003-05-14 19:28:42 (UTC)

All Good Things get Spoiled

Dear Diary,

Why is it that every time I try to do something for me I
never end up enjoying it? Well you see, it's because maybe
I just haven't learned yet. Maybe I'm totally naive.
Well, that figures. I keep going back to the one thing
that I need to walk away from.

What am I talking about? Andrew. I've seen this coming
for a long time. We're not half as close as I'd like us to
be. He flirts with my friends, and I just feel like second
best. I've fought this for so long, but it's a long time
coming. It's got to be over soon. I don't even know if I
even want to bother with prom...with him, anyway. Heck
yeah I'm still going, but I don't want to be there with
him. I don't know. I mean, I guess I still have issues
with him, 'cause of the way he cheated on me and lied to
me. I used to think I was such a good girlfriend, you
know? Like, I ws untouchable or something because I loved
him so much. But you know, I don't think I love him. I
think it's this feeling that I'm just afraid of him. I
think we need to talk.

If we do break up, then I think we should before prom, so I
don't have to feel so bad. I don't know. I guess I just
want a resolution. I need a resolution. I'm so tired of
all these games and never feeling like I measured up to
anyone. I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter. I'm
tired of being second best, or first best when I'm around.
I need someone who's going to love me for who I am and all
that I am, instead of just--well I don't know how Andrew
views me. I don't know. I just know that if I'm not
happy,and I've thought about this a lot, that I should
leave him. Leave him for good this time.

I'll update later and tell you want happened and about
prom.

Love ya lotz, kissez & hugz,
*T*




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