heaven key

2003-05-14 19:26:27 (UTC)

day dreaming

lately i find my self only getting happy when i am day
dreaming, or pretending, and i find my self doing this so
much its scarry, but the worst part is is that it keeps me
so satisfied that i just dont care because i know i can day
dream it away. like lately i been acting as if art and i
were still together, even though he is getting married and
had a baby. wierd huh. i mean i know were not together,
and i know he is gone, but i miss him . its not like im
contacting him, or calling him, but late at night when im
in bed i act out how it could be in my mind. but on the
other hand why would i want to be with a man like that. he
really hurt me. no man is worth my tears, and the one who
is wont make me cry.
anyways laura sent me this bull shit e mail yesterday.
about how her family looks to her to ful fil a facet in
their lives ect.. she was telling me how she never
understood how "grown ups" could be content in their day ti
day lives with no added stimulation of clothes, crushes,
drugs and parties. i think thats a valid point, but on the
other hand that has nothing to do with us. its her
boyfriend who doesnt like me. but o well. she is missed by
me, but there is only so much i can do. i wrote her back
saying that i realize that we no longer need to go out and
party, and all that but i pointed out that she never has
anything positive to say . enough about that.
i just smoked a fatty, so i think ill be going now. ill
wirte again soon