ShameusLawson

thouhgts of Sam
2003-05-13 19:20:25 (UTC)

(sigh)


Well, my life isn't really going the way I want it
to. But who's really is? I mean I am just depressed about
money and other things. I am trying to get a dog and I
dont know how long it will be before I can get the kind of
dog I want. I dont really like muts and the breed I want
is kind of a rare breed. I want a bull terrier (for those
of you that don't know thats the old bud light spokes dog,
or if that doesnt help you how about this one do you remeber chico
from next friday?) anyway they are rare around here, I have found a
breeder in dripping springs which is only about 20 minutes
from here. But the sad and depressing thing is that he
isnt planning on breeding until the fall. And damn it I
want the fucking dog now. I feel like I am so alone. I
have joselin, and I love her I really do, but I still feel
lonley. I just need something to take my mind off of the
thigs right now, and a dog would be the perfect thing. I
dont know what I am going to do though I can look around,
but let me be honest I guess it is better that I have to
wait. I dont really even have the money to pay for the dog
and I also have to pay a pet deposit which is 300 fucking
dollars. And the dog is probaly gonna be about 500-700
dollars. And I guess if I can save money over the summer
for the dog that would be best. AHHH! I really hate this,
call me petty but I really wish I had more money at this
point my job just isn't pay enough and I can't rely on
money from my parents, you know they are still trying to
put money away the we lost while my dad was out of work for
15 months. So there isn't much help there, and my bills
arent that bad, but they just keep coming, I had no bills
before now I do so I have to go at it all by myself. I
dont know maybe I am just over reactiong because I am
depressed, but I have no friends, I have an apartment and I
really really want a dog. I really need something to just
preoccupy(spelling error) my mind. I guess school will be
good for me, but I really dont want to go back there. I
mean it's not like I have much of a life right now all I do
is sit at home or I am here at work. Which I am here right
now, I'm always at work but I still dont make enough
money. Damn it I fucking hate the world and all the shit
that I have to deal with. But I have to I guess thats just
my life.