Christy

Change

I USED TO WANT TO CHANGE. BUT FOR WHAT? NO ONE FUCKING
LIKES IT WHEN I AM HAPPY AND NO ONE FUCKING LIKES ME WHEN I
AM MAD. SO I AM NOT CHANGING. I DONT OWE NO ONE SHIT. IF
THEY DONT LIKE ME WELL FUCK THEM. I SAT OUT AT THE LAKE
EVERY NIGHT AFTER JUSTENE LEFT ME. I SAT OUT THERE WITH A
FUCKING ROPE TIED AROUND MY NECK JUST WANTING TO GET OUT OF
THE CAR AND HANG MYSELF. I WATCHED MY FIRST REAL SUNRISE
AND CONTEMPLATED DEATH. FOR WHAT? I JUST DONT SEE A POINT.
IT FUCKING HURTS TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNINGS. I DONT HAVE A
FUCKING JOB, I OWE ALMOST $7000 I HATE MYSELF, I AM FUCKING
CONFUSED, GOD! YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK GOD. I DONT CARE IF GOD
WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. FUCK THAT. ITS A LOAD OF SHIT.
WHY DID GOD KILL AMY, WHY DID GOD TAKE AWAY UNCLE IVAN, WHY
DID GOD WATCH AS I WAS RAPED? YA FUCK GOD. HIS MYSTERIOUS
TWISTED FUCKING WAYS. ITS SHIT. MY LIFE IS SHIT. ITS ALL
TWISTED AND FUCKED UP. I HATE YOU AMY. YOU FUCKING TWISTED,
SACK OF USELESS SHIT. AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU AND AM
DOING NOW, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?? IT WASNT
ENOUGH THAT JOES NEPHEW HAD TO FUCK ME IN THE CLOSET WHEN I
WAS 4?? THAT WASNT ENOUGH. YOU HAD TO DO SHIT TO ME TOO??
FUCK THAT! FUCK THE TWISTED SHIT THAT GOES THROUGH YOUR
MIND YOU SON OF A BITCH. BASTARD. WHY DID YOU FUCKING TAKE
HER AWAY?? HUH?? I WANTED TO DIE. NOT HER. I TOOK THE
LITHIUM, I TOOK THE PROZAK, I TOOK THE PAXIL AND THE 12
OTHER MEDICATIONS. I O.D. ON THE PROZAK, THE SLEEPING
PILLS, THE T 3'S, THE LITTLE BLUE PILLS, THE PAXIL, THAT
WAS ME GOD. I'M THE ONE TRYING TO DIE. YOU FUCK UP. YOU
TAKE IT OUT ON US BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING SCREW UP. DID YOU
TEACH OUR PARENTS THAT TOO? TO BE FUCK UPS AND BLAME IT ALL
ON US? FUCK YOU. FUCK THE TWISTED SHIT AND THE NORMAL SHIT
AND ALL THE SHIT BETWEEN. FUCK MY GRAD, I'M NOT GOING. I AM
NOT FUCKING SITTING AROUND IN THIS TWISTED WORLD ANYMORE.
SORRY TO ANYONE I HURT. BUT DONT WORRY. GOD WILL HURT YOU
MORE AND YOU'LL GO SO FUCKING NUMB YOU WONT FEEL PAIN
ANYMORE
DEATH BY SUICDE