[T]'s Demon World
2003-05-11 07:27:30 (UTC)


i don't know why i'm writing. don't feel like writing. i
don't feel like talking. i don't even know what i came here
to say. i think i have cooled down a bit from my last
entry. but now i'm bored. and.. something else, but i'm not
sure what.


-ripped apart


-in some sort of internal rage



are just a few i could name but it still doesn't pinpoint
it. i guess maybe it's a mix of small anger and even
heavier sadness so the anger doesn't show right now. i
don't know exactly why i'm angry as of this minute, but i
have some idea. i'm not going to say it though. nobody
needs to know why.

i hate people. i do. it's hard to trust people. really
really really hard. because they always just turn and stab
you in the back. and then after that - what the hell do you
do now. should you give out your trust again and see what
happens, risk being stabbed more, or just not trust. it's a
big cycle. it's horrible.

i don't know what to do now. i'm just sitting here. alone.
no music on now. i don't feel in the mood for any music.
i'm not chatting with anybody, though a few are online. i
look at them, and i don't seem to care anymore. fine. go
into your little world or whatever. like i actually care
what you think. did i contradict myself in this entry? oh
well i couldn't care less. i'm just blabbing. even though i
don't know what to say.

i don't even feel like i should write in here anymore. i
know i've said it before, but now it's for a different
reason, which you also don't need to know.

i'm starting to get tired. why. i'm never tired. this is
stupid. i don't want to sleep. but i don't want to be
awake. i don't want more of -this-. it's frustrating. all
black and white. never a grey area to doddle in. bah.

i am not ashamed to say that i am bitter. i am the first
one to say 'humbug' at christmas. so fucking shoot me. i
don't care. that's just who i am. if you don't fucking like
it - i don't give a shit. then just leave me the hell

i still hate the bullshit though. the bullshit people throw
at me. you want to talk to me, or you don't. pick one, and
don't play games. i hate that. and when i get tangled up in
that shit, i don't know what to do.

yeah. it's all stupid.