Obsurd and Undiscussed Relations
2003-05-11 02:08:19 (UTC)


Okay, my friend, Steven, is really kool. He's my
best guy friend at my school right now and I was talking to
him about how I'm moving and he told me not to go, not to
leave him cuz he'd miss me too much. He calls me Bob. Well,
everyone calls me Bob but he won't admit he likes me like
that, even tho I know he does, he says he likes Bob when
he's talking to me about who he likes on his "top-5 list".
I'm like "alright..." It's funny how I always am better
friends w/ the guyz that like me over the guyz that don't.
I just feel that they already like me, so why not be
friends w/ em. I'm better friends w/ guyz than girls cuz
girls, I dunno, they are bitches and it's like I'm always
competing w/ them for everything, but guyz, I know they are
better at shit than me so it's aight if they beat me in
something. Imma selfish bitch, and if I don't have all the
attention, I get jealous, even if it's w/ someone who I
absolutly hate. I just can't help it. I need to learn that
I'm not the center of the world and not everyone's going to
say "hi" but it's just the way that I am. I love ppl who
give me attention bcuz I've been ignored my whole lyfe and
I feel that someone actually cares. Steven, I don't really
care if he doesn't pay attention to me, cuz I know he
always will. He comes to me when he needs someone to talk
to and when he wants to go flirt, he realizes I got a b/f
and I'm not gonna flirt w/ him. Last year I was like the
slut in our grade and now I'm so totally different.
Everyone has noticed the change in the way I act, dress,
talk, wear my make-up, etc. I love how I've changed. I'm
not a prep, oh God, I wouldn't go back to that either (I
used to be a big prep a few years ago) I'm I
dress kinda punk sometimes but other times I dress
comfortable and then still other times, I wear dresses and
shit. My style changes all the time. It's weird but I don't
know which style I like best. All I know is my friends
think it's kool how I change so often and it's so funny cuz
everyone wants to be like me. I wouldn't change my lyfe for
anything but other ppl wanting to be like me, it's a lil
weird. Why don't you like yourself like that. Okay, b4 I
said I have no self-confidence, that's around my b/f. I
feel like I have to be perfect for him so I gotta try
harder bcuz I'm not good enough for him. I gotta stop it
tho cuz I feel like I'm pushing him away from me w/ that. I
like my lyfe. I like who I am. I like who I'm friends w/. I
don't like where I live. I dunno, I'm really mature for my
age. I bet you couldn't guess it if you tried. I'm not even
gonna say it bcuz you'll get the wrong impression of me
bcuz you'll be shocked. Most ppl are. I have to be mature
tho, cuz of the lyfe I live in. It's crazy shit man. But I
love it. It helps me understand all the different types of
ppl and all the different things most ppl don't understand,
especially if they are my age. Ppl, have their own idea of
how the world is and can't see anything out of that lil
idea. I, on the other hand, know of alotta shit. I've been
to Mexico, and seen how poor some people can be. I've been
where ppl were rich. I've been w/ other different races of
ppl. I dunno, it's prolly more like me in the cities w/
having to interact w/ all different ppl but where I live,
we have all a certain type of people and ppl who are
different than that are the ones getting picked on. At my
school, being gay is like a crime. Being any different race
than white is a crime. Being Jewish or anything is a crime.
I don't understand it. I've met ppl who were gay and they
were totally awesome. They aren't gonna be all over you
ppl, its just like are you all over every guy or every
gurl?? No. Then get over it. I have a friend who is Jewish.
She's really kool too. I have friends who are Chinese and
black. They are the best. I just don't get it, I'm sorry.
If you lose weight, your anorexic. My friend has a
metabolism problem and when she eats sugar she loses
weight. Over Easter, you eat alot of candy and shit. She
did. She lost weight. One of our teachers was telling
everyone she didn't eat for weeks so she lost so much
weight. Even tho we were gone for like 4 days and when we
came back she was tiny only then, not b4. I eat about 2
times a day and my meals consist of like a pb&j and I have
to have sugar cuz i got low blood sugar and i black out so
i eat a candy bar or something and supper which i eat at
like 7 or 8 is like yogurt, and a lil bit of noodles. Ppl
call me anorexic all the time. I get used to it and yell at
them and slap them when they say it. Oh yeah, if someone
calls me the wrong name like, Amber, for example, I get so
fricken pissed. Omg, it just makes me so mad that I wanna
scream and hit someone or something. Haha Isaac, I used the
name that you called me...I was just messing when I said i
was mad at you tho cuz I knew you were kidding. K I gotta
jet. See ya. Love always. xoxo~Michelle~xoxo

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