Meesa and Leglin's secret pi

moshing kiwis
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2003-05-10 19:17:55 (UTC)

my sherona

i'm thinking about it how having black sabbath on record
would kick ass and that i should check out more thrift-
stores other than value village for records. it would kick
ass...i went shopping yesterday at the mall and can you
believe it? i actually found $55 worth of items i actually
would wear!!!!!! yup, a shirt, a bracelett covered in metal
3-D shaped hearts with holes all over them (makes me think
of metaphorical pins used for heartbreaking)and bits of
glass and such, it makes me think of india and clutter
(which is what im practically made of) and antique looking
earings. i feel like im starting to get set for the summer,
it takes awhile becuz i not home in the summers anymore, i
go away to my grandparents' ranch to work. i feel at home
there, dispite being lonely, not that im not lonely here,
it's just that i have 2 friends there (who are mind-
blowing) but here i've got dozens. you know, part of me
always loves the isolation, having nothing but the intense
dry, hot landscape that's wild and cruel in a way, it's
comforting becuz no one can hurt you there, you're cut free
of everything but the buz of heat and smell of horses. you
can lay on your back on the fringe of the hayfield by the
creek and stare at the clear extreme blue sky and be alone
like that forever if you want to. i wanted to, but fate was
cruel that day, and again part of me hates that i failed
and part of me is so thankful becuz i have had a few good
times here...and because im here with the ppl i love, not
just the people i hate, like leesa, dad, grandma, grandpa,
my friends from there (who i never would have met
otherwise), and a handful of fairly-close friends from
here. and becuz a boy was what made me give up, and a boy
should never be the cause for something like that. hense
why it probably is that i cant get close like that to any
guy anymore, i can't put my heart in a guy, it's impossible
not to get hurt and what's the point of it for me? besides,
part of me loves not loving, though i get lonely.
ross was talking on the bus a few days ago about how
girls are evil and i asked him to name a few evil things i
did. he said "you betrayed aaron, you broke hearts too" and
i wanted to scream at him and slap him, but instead i
laughed and said, "i betrayed a liar. and as for the
hearts, i never asked for a single one that was given to
me, they asked for a risk and they got one." isn't that
cruel of me? cruel of me becuz ross's heart was in amongst
the fatalities and with spite flicking off my tounge i told
him that it was his own fault. cruel,leurc...however you
Emas eht lla gnisselb a s'ti tub, ecnarongi ym rof
seigoloppa, eman ruoy thguac reven I. Uoy era ohw, em
esucxe? Citats latsyrc rof geb I tub, srae dna seye htiw
eno eht m'i , serac ro sraeh or sees eno on erehw dlrow
lanoisuled a ni gnivil, lrig a tsuj m'i.
hope that fills your boots for today, now im off to go
have a shower, i think.