Jencaero

Happy Noodle Boy Rox!
2003-05-10 18:59:07 (UTC)

hm

writing in this again. confounded thing i always manage to
work myself into a poetic frenzy typing up my diluted
thoughts.
i never thought i would keep a journalas an account of
events, the purpose of this initially was to keep track of
thoughts to go back and ponder upon them (i never did) and
other things.
funny
i havent written in this blasted journal for so long. its
because i have tons of "friends" now
perhaps superficial but i believe that in a sense they are
really friends
well thought i was in love
dont know if i was or not
and i miss him
he has to go and drink after the breakup i dont know
myself anymore
listening to old music from my childhood
brings a comfortable nostalgia

he puts himself down like no other. hes so shy and tiny
and here i am bellicose today and just... everywhere and
perhaps not as bellicose as stressed and falling apart
everywhere, pick up a piece of me that i never saw
i keep seeing sides of myself that i hadnt before.
theyre grotesquely ugly
and i thought i was a nice person. let the good times roll
and let my hideous beauty shine through.
im going to miss him
its so stupid. and hes getting down on himself. he tries to make
sense of it all and in the end just pounds himself down to
a pulp. and doesnt blame me when i deserve some. im
just a girl... why does this soudn like such a soap opera. the irony
of it all, and if anyone ever reads this he would see that
this makes absolutely no sense to anyone but myself. its
written for me.


his profile: anyways everybody,


I drank alcohol woohoo. . . .. . 3 shots and half a
beer. . .let the good times roll. . . i dont' care what
you think, it's my life. . and you're probrably not a part
of it. . . .anymore. . .I'm going to go now. . .i need a
lot of time to myself. . .blah i mind as well say it
now. .

FUCK YOU SAM HOUSTON. . . .. . . .and i'm probrably never
going to come online again . .. it depends . . nothing
stays gold forever ponyboy .. .(i hate that book . .. )

like an arrow through my heart.
and the colors are pretty if i spin in circles they turn
into a big whir and i wont even notice throwing up, but of
course i wont.
what a beautiful place this is
im too romantic.
some days im apathetic
some days im romantic
some days, my norm, im realistic
and some days i just dont fucking care
and im spinning more, whats the point of this mindless
life game
i only come in here when im depressed
its a little dark box, hun
and the leaves and the sky
why do i deserve my sight....
i dont

and i think im so smart
some days
ya know? of course you do *half smile* im talking to
myself again
skitzo! what a genius word, and my fronts, and my smiles
and the tears rolling down everyones face that no one sees
because theyre too busy concealing their own
would they care? or only because it looks good

im jennifer. i do well on standardized and iq tests. my
gpa is over a ninety. im full of shit
i think im so smart
hahaha
im not!
thats the funny part!
i laugh because i think i know more
i DONT im as lost as everyone else.
my front will hide it.
love,
~Jen~