Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2003-05-09 06:14:00 (UTC)

the male/female dictionary


suzie sent this to me... funny shit...


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THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's hood.
male : The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bee-an) n.
female: A woman who makes love to other women.
male : A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male : Playing baseball without a glove.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male : A device for scanning through all 25 channels every 2
minutes.

COMMUNICATION (ko-muu-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
partner.
male : Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for
a weekend
with the guys.

BUM (bum) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing
manufactured makes
look bigger.
male : The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male : Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
male: Sex

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male : An endless source of entertainment, self-statement
and male
bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male : What women do while the man is screwing her.

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Sex and Exercise - calorie counter

It's been known for years that sex is good exercise, but
until recently
nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric
expenditure of different
sexual activities. Now, for the first time in the Western
World, here are
the true caloric benefits of sex.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent.......................................12 Calories
Without consent..................................187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands...................................8 Calories
With one hand......................................12 Calories
With your teeth.....................................85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....................................6 Calories
Without an erection...............................315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris........................8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.......................92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary.............................................12
Calories
69 lying down....................................... 78 Calories
69 standing up.....................................112 Calories
Wheelbarrow........................................216 Calories
Doggy Style.......................................... 326
Calories
Italian chandelier.................................. 912
Calories

ORGASM:
Real..................................................112
Calories
False...............................................315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging............................ 18 Calories
Getting up immediately......................... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.....816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old..................................... 36 Calories
30-39 years...........................................80
Calories
40-49 years........................................... 124
Calories
50-59 years...........................................972
Calories
60-69 years...........................................2916
Calories
70 and over.............................................Death

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly...............................................32 Calories
In ahurry...............................................98
Calories
With her FATHER knocking at the door......1218 Calories
With your WIFE knocking at the door...........3521 Calories