a freak

can you see the real me?
2003-05-07 14:58:57 (UTC)

watching you dissappear

When I was little, the worst fear I ever had was of loosing
you, mom. Now I知 trying my hardest to get away, as far
away as I can. I can稚 take it anymore. Every night,
glass after glass, I watch you disappear, into the drunken
idiot that I have come to know. Your memory gets worse and
worse, as the screaming gets louder and louder. The broken
promises lay heavy on my heart. Thinking about who you are
when you池e my mom, not the lady who has had too much to
drink. Thinking about how we laugh together, and give each
other fashion advice. How you池e always there for me, to
help solve my problems, not make them bigger, at least
until you start in on that bottle of wine. Thinking about
the mom I love, and the mom who痴 had too much to drink, as
if you池e two different people. Because you are. When you
drink you become someone else. You池e not my mom.
I live with this every day of my life. Maybe you
don稚 get really drunk every night, but I can稚 think of a
night where you haven稚 had at least one glass of wine, or
a beer. Those nights where you only drink a little seem to
get fewer and fewer. More and more squares on the calendar
are being crossed out in between every day you don稚 have
much to drink. How much longer can I take this? How much
longer can I hold on? When will I finally have had enough?




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