My Reality
Ad 2:
2003-05-07 00:49:10 (UTC)

Freakin out

Ok, so i have an apartment, and i know where im going to
school..thats about all ive got right now. i have no means
to pay for my apartment and the bills that go along with
that except for my savings which my parents are telling me
are off limits bc they say so...umm, im scared to death im
not going to get a job and then i will be dependent on them
to give me my money and i will hear constant shit from them
about how they knew i would fail...ok so thats just not
cool with me...umm, grades are ok not doing too bad...umm
havent sold my fridge which i was counting on to give me 70
bucks, and josh is leaving in a month and god only knows
what will happen after that...just let things fall into
place please, whoever is in charge of this great world,
just let me get a job friday, just let me make enough money
to cover my bills and not let me live in poverty and for
all that is right in this world, just let josh keep me...i
know he has things he has to do with his life, and so do i
but i have no problems whatsoever making my wants and needs
and desires for my life fit with his....blah....i dont
think i could be panicing more right now if i
just seems like so many things in my life are hanging on a
whatif or a could be or a slight chance, and that just
scares the hell out of me...i want to at least know there
are some things that i have control of and at least a few
things that i can make workout...oh god if i could just
have a job that would make my life completely perfect right
now...thats alll i ask dear lord just let Ruby tuesdays
take me and make me their fantastic lil server for the next
year and a half at least...just at least let me have a
steady income..i can handle the rest if i can at least know
that i can afford the meager lil life i will be leading for
the next short lil while......just PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, let
me get a freakin literally counting down the days
until i am done with school and i can actually go look for
a job...i just cant wait to know how hard i am going to
have to delve into this thing..i mean i have applied to at
least twenty jobs and the only two that showed any interest
were ruby tuesdays and applebees ...dear god let me work at
ruby tuesdays that would be freakin perfect...i need to be
close to home and work with ppl that are nice and within my
age group and somewhere where i dont have to battle traffic
every single day and risk my life getting to and from
work....pleeease just let it be!!!!! ok ok ok, so enough
of itll happen im sure, school doing great,
trying to workup the gpa so when i upgrade my apartment i
can get a shooting for a 3.5 within the next
semester...and then theres josh..i dont really even want to
say too much about it...i mean we are just calling
it "friendship" so that works for me, bc this friendship
feels about the same as our relationship..dont get me wrong
i would love more but at the same time i love this whole no
pressure just being whatever we are and not trying to label
it and make it something huge and monumental...bottom line,
i would love to be his gf again but at the same time,
whatever i am right now makes me pretty damn happy too, so
im just hoping that i get upgraded to a gf position in the
future and enjoying the present...i just like having him in
my life, whatever i am to him will never change what he is
to me...there are just ppl you meet in life that you know
you were meant to know for life, he's one of those ppl, we
were just meant to be special to each other i not
entirely sure there are two ppl in this world who could put
up with our bullshit the way we do and if there is god help
them bc we are both pains in the, im
just surprised at how close i am to him...never really been
this close with anyone so each day is pretty cool...just
gets better and better, so whatever happens will be im just
looking forward to my future in every, school,
life and love!