The crazy world of me
2003-05-06 04:37:56 (UTC)

.......why do I keep doing it??????

Hey what is going on guys? Sorry that it has been so long
since I last wrote. Actually a lot has happened. My mom
has been all on my back about school because I haven't been
doing so great in my history but in everything else I am
doing really good. She blames it on my friends coming over
and us staying up sp late but I don't think that is it
because if it was then why don't I have bad grades in any
other classes. What kicked it all off though was my
teacher calling my mom at work saying she was worried about
me and all this bull. I don't know. My mom and I have
been fighting a lot lately which isn't cool but whatever.
I just can't wait for summer to get here so I don't have to
worry about school.
I am not really talking to Lakin, the person I have
considered my best friend for the last six years. I am
guessing I am wrong about that one. First, she told
everybody something that I asked her not to say anything to
anyone and then she tried to lie about not saying anything
when it had to be her because it couldn't of been anyone
else. Then, I has a party at my house and this kid David
she was talking to came over and I got accused of getting
on him which I didn't because I wouldn't touch him with a
ten foot pole but she believed what everyone else was
saying instead of asking me so I am just kind of like screw
this I am tired of playing baby games with all these people.
Then there is Joni who I am not talking to at all for
real. What went on there I have no clue. I tried to talk
to her today and she didn't have much to say to me actually
I don't think she had anything to say to me. I know she
don't like the friends I have now because we get high but
you know what she ditched me for other people so I went and
got new friends and then when she wants to be my friend
again she expects me to give up the people who were there
and are here for me. Pretty much the same thing with Lakin
she ditched me for her boyfriend well now ex-boyfriend.
I don't know its all kind of crazy. I guess people just
grow apart. As much as I hate to say it though I guess our
friendships are over. I mean I am not going to lie they
were my friends but things have just changed or something.
I will admit that I have changed but I don't think it is
a basd thing. I started hanging out with my friend Raquel
again which is kind of weird but she is really cool and she
was there for me one night when I was going crazy. Then
along with Raquel came Mary and I could never see myself
being friends with her. We actually use to hate each other
but I guess we just didn't give one another a chance or
something. Now we are all really good friends and its
great stuff.
Speaking of the going crazy thing I cut my leg again.
Like 2 or maybe 3 more times. I don't know why I keep
doing it but I do. It really freaks me out when I think
about it. I can't picture myself doing something like
that. I don't know but I really just hate my life at the
moment because nothing ever goes right anymore. It seems
like everything I do no matter what it is a bad thing.
People make me feel like shit for every little mistake or
every little thing that I do. I really hate feeling like
crap for everything but I guess that is the way it is going
to be.
Oh so here is some news for you guys. So you know Ricky,
well, we decided that we are going to stay friends which is
fine with me because I really like hanging out with the
kid. So Raquel had me take her to work one day and let me
use her car so I Ricky and I hung out for like a hour or so
and then we had nothing to do so I was going to go to his
house and I got all upset over us not doing anything so he
asked me if I wanted to come in which I did after I went to
my friends house accross the street from him so we were
just talking and stuff. The whole time I was there I was
hoping something would happened and then he came over and
sat down by me and gave me a hig which you know big deal
friends hug. Then thats when things got started. So his
friend was outside waiting for him and we did a little
quicky. So I get home and he had called so I called him
back and he asked if I wanted to "look more into it" and I
was all for it at the moment because he has a nice penis
and I was in full hornball mode. So we ended up screwing
like four times that night. It didn't upset me until I
read a e-mail and he was talking about how he likes his
GIRLFRIEND. I always said I wouldn't do that and look like
I did. I can't help it he is so hard to resist. After we
screwed he was talking about his girlfriend and it made me
want to puke. I really can't believe I did that. There is
a lot more to that but thats it for the main part. But I
am going to go I will try to write again soon. BYE!!!!