Kinarra

Diary of an American Witch
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2003-05-05 06:17:04 (UTC)

Love Junkie


All romantics are just addicts

I heard that in a movie once. They were talking about how
being with a person that has the right chemical combo for
you creates this flow of endorphins, and puts you in an
altered state. Rather like being high, I guess. And
eventually, you get hooked on that feeling. You become
a "love junkie"
I think that's how I was, once upon a time.
Once upon a time, I thought my life had no meaning unless I
was with someone. And I went from guy to guy, relationship
to relationship, trying to find myself in someone else.
But what I am constantly learning is that I don't need
another person to make me whole. I am a good person, and I
have strength inside me that I never would have never
thought possible.

Take this book deal for example. A publisher offered to to
print my book, but they wanted to take a lot more of my
money that I was comfortable with. In the past I would
have given in, but I trusted myself, and I trusted that my
work was worth much more that they were offering. So, I
refused. Now I have three other publishing houses with
offers on the table, and I feel good.
I am happy.

And the best part was that I didn't turn to anyone to ask
for their opinion. Not even my parents. ( I have kept
this whole thing from them so that I won't have to listen
to my Dad offering his well meaning, but frustratingly
ignorant advice.)


I have finally found the strength to live life on my own
terms, and that feels pretty damn good.

Will I ever fall in love?
Hell, how should I know? But I do know this much, Im not
going to be one of those people who get married two, or
three, or four times, making the same mistakes over, and
over again, because "love" blinds me to the truth. When I
fall in love, it will be a marrage of heart and head.
I will feel in my heart, and know in my mind, that whoever
it is will be the one for me.


What brought this whole thing on you ask?
Well, there's this guy...............................


Happy thinking
Kinarra


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