TreeHuggerAli

I was born... and then life happened
2003-05-05 04:26:34 (UTC)

what's really wrong w/ me...

if you've ever read my entry titled "I'm Emo (my emo side)"
that's my life. it's been my life for a while. what's
really wrong with me is that I haven't felt a connection
with God for a few months and it's scary, lonely, and
stressful. because of this i've been not caring about life
in general. just some main people, God being the first one.
I talked to a good friend of mine about this and he said
i'm exactly what he was at my age, family life and
all...i'm just a chick. but it really scares me. and james.
i'm so afraid that God's not been speakig to me because my
thoughts and schedual revolve around him. i know i put God
first and I give everything up to him but i don't know why
i'm not seeing what he's doing. james told me yesterday
that he has a really good chance of moving out here for
good in about a month, when school gets out, and move in w/
a buddy from his old church. it'll be sweet if it happens.
maybe that's what i'm looking forward to and i'm focusing
too much on him and not enough on what God's doing for me.
God has put some cool Christian buddies in my life
recently. (mad props to Jaime) I don't know. I guess I just
need to be more opened... i think until I get right with my
mom (not getting angry over things and letting her get to
me while i hold a bit of a grudge) God's not gonna talk to
me in an obvious way.

Heavenly Father, Judges 6:17 says:
Gideon replied, "If now I have found favor in your eyes,
give me a sign that it is really you talking to me.
Please God, let this my prayer. Tell me what I'm doing
wrong from receiving your guidence and wisdom. Lord, make
me an instrument of thy peace and help me be happy and a
joy to others. Lord God, please just give me strength to
grab my tounge with my mom and teach me to have patients
and love on her. Be with James and speak to us about him
moving out. Let your will be done. Thank you. It's in your
Son's name I pray. Amen.
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*Random thought of the day*

"I underestimate the cheese."-ALi




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