Ad 2:
2003-05-05 04:17:20 (UTC)


i just took andy and josh to go see the x-men/ i am gonna
get my period tomorrow or the next day. the end of the movie
saddened me and i can cry again just thinking about it.

i had a good weekend. yankee game. brooklyn on sat. i think
i saw all my important friends .
sat in bleachers during the hour and a half rain delay with
julie and kevin. getting drunk on smuggled in rum and cokes.
sitting in the rain, getting all excited when they uncovered
the field. laughing, baseball. i love being at yankee
stadium. i get depressed coming home on the train and seeing
people in their yankee gear, getting off at lex to switch to
the 4. watching it on TV.

today i woke up at 1230, walked over to the feild to watch
andys game. i sat there, listening to the yenta queens
mothers with their heavy accents, cheering on their little
boys. later on walked to astoria park with rita, and we
layed on the grass in the sun, bulshitting, laughing,
lookiing at the sky. i felt like it was queens appreication
day. i kept thinking "life can be so simple" i thought i
can spend sundays at the baseball field, order pizza or bbq
in the backyard for dinner.

walking back i asked rita "do you think i'll be able to
watch six feet under on demand if i go see xmen at 9?" she
laughed at me and said is THAT all you have to worry about?
i have three papers due... yadda yadda... that made me
happy. it was my main concern of the day. i am graduating
next week. gaduating. i will be an NYU GRADUATE. i cant
believe i made it through college. i can't believe this new
phase of my life is starting / i cant believe how much i
dont know.
i read somewhere the other day, that trees go through phases
so effortlessly, very much unlike humans. i think it was
"trees go through phases without having nervous breakdowns."
i will try to always emulate the trees.
my sadness is heavy right now. triggered by the x-men,
although i had a light airy day. with sadness and heavy
heart comes thoughts of you know who. aching feeling,
missing sunday nights, watching the sopranos, sex, sleep,
taking the train together in the morning. i just miss it.
the body heat. the freedom, to be me.

but i am a tree, that can deal with change. although a
season has come and gone and my heart doesnt feel like
anything has changed