thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2003-05-05 01:52:24 (UTC)

it says i made six entries today...

But i didn't. Weird. Hmmm...Anyhoo, not too much to say,
just bored.
I took a shower a while after cutting, it hurt really
bad. The hot water just pounded in on my arms and there was
no way of keeping them from getting wet. It doesn't help
that i take my showers at about 4000 degrees...
I promised someone i wouldn't cut earlier, that every
time i cut they'd do the same to themselves, parallel it. I
freaked out, i definitely do NOT want them to do that. It's
a terrible idea, i'll hurt them, it'll be my fault! all my
fault! GAH! I don't want that, so if you read this, noooo
nooo nooo, no deal. Bah! *rips out hair* oh crap, don't you
go ripping out your hair, i wasn't actually doing it.
*mutter mutter* damn it. Gwar...
I forgot what i was going to write in here, i came for
a specific reason, but it is now forgotten. Damn.
I ate a lot today. Almost more than a normal person,
it's weird. And i didn't try to throw up, so go me.
Unfortunately, when i concentrate on eating and being
healthy, i forget that i shouldn't be cutting. Oi. *shakes
head*.
Too much stress, i'm going to explode. I have a french
oral tomorrow, it's supposed to be memorized, i don't know
any of it. I also have a french test tomorrow. Not that
that's a lot, but i really can't take ANY extra stressors
right now, i feel like i'm dying. I wish i was. Maybe i am.
Maybe i don't care. Maybe i should. I probably should.
*nod*. Spent a while today looking for support groups and
hospitals in my area. They were all inpatient, the only
outpatient ones were for alcoholics. Quite frankly, i
wouldn't mind being locked up. I'd actually prefer it. But
i don't have money for that. Damn. It's strange that i want
to be sent to a loony bin, but i do. *dreamy sigh* if only.
How strange. I'm quirky *shakes head*. Ok then, g'day to
you and yours, ~a not writing for the 6th time today, my
diary just screwed up thea




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