PsychoSirus

Inner thoughts of sadness
2003-05-04 22:12:12 (UTC)

Pain

I reread some of my older journal entries in a different
journal I had. Made me wish for those days once more.
Although reading them brought upon anguish in myself. I
hurt once more with wounds that were forgotten. Wounds that
Perhaps had healed. I could wither up and die and I dont
know who or even on a larger scale if I would be missed.
Personal insecurities some may claim. Words used to be my
fortay, I used to say things that sounded beautiful in my
ears, poetry of normal words, with just casual speach. Id
say things and people would mock me for using words that
normal others wouldnt use because they dont know how to
apply a word. My language has fallen in the gutter and I
believe indeffinately. My orignal views have been skewd by
social activities. Swears were never part of my
speaking, "The language of ignorance" Yet now I use them
when I could easily replace a word with another or not even
use them at all. Conformity used to be not part of me, I
wasnt like everyone else, and in a lot of ways Im still
different from everyone else. BUt not in a good way, I dont
fit in, although others tell me that I belong and I am a
friend I just dont understand it. I cry but I dont get why.
Vison blurs and yet I continue on why? I sit here and think
before I type yet my fingers used to fly with out help of
any sort. Im done I dont know why I should continue but Im
done. thoughts fill my head and I no longer enjoy that
feeling. It never shuts off and it usually just tends to
make me feel horrid. Im done

~~Sirus




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