Silent Eyes

Lost in this place
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2003-05-04 08:51:32 (UTC)

Well I need to somehow get rid..

Well I need to somehow get rid of this feeling that he
likes me...I can't seem to shake it and it's really
upsetting. Talking to him is to hard because I look at him
and all I want to do is love him forever but it obviously
isnt a mutual thing so instead I will have to bury this as
far away as I can and begin the process of getting over it
once and for all. What makes it hard is that we still hang
out and I dont want to lose him completely. I love him.
College will bring new experiences. I hope Matt and I keep
in touch he's all I have left. I miss him so much, he's
never hurt me and if we were closer I know he'd be here
listening and comforting me because even with the distance
and knowing the pain I was puttin him through he was
there. I've been looking all over for this great guy when
he's there. Perhaps someday Paul will Love me again but I
cant go on living a lie that we will soon be together or he
will soon show love again because it's gone the love I do
see...... I cant tell if its real I cant tell what he's
thinking if he wants me around or if im just bugging him.
someday he will no someday i will be able to tell him all
of this without a tear in my. I will be able to tell him
that I did love him once and always will but have since
moved on as he has done to me but I will be forward and I
will not lead him to believe otherwise no matter how much I
fall in love with him everytime he embraces me or makes me
laugh. After all, according to him life sux and I'm
begining to see it that way. But I wont let it stop me
because all of this pain will only build me up and make me
stronger. My wall will be higher the guards will be
stronger everything will just be fully upgraded only to be
let slowly down over time.

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