Eyes of a fallen angel

Just another Disturbance
2003-05-04 00:41:08 (UTC)

I cant take it anymore...

I love him and I know I do I just dont know how to say it
and express it! He is a jerk most of the time but i dont
even care... I dont know what to do right now! He still liked me and
i told him that I didn't like him right then and that was not true...
I just didnt want anything to happen between us at that point. I dont
really want to go out with him right now I want to keep
things calm and just friends and see how that goes. I hate
the way i am, why do i have to be so damn complicated? I am
listening to a kick ass song that explains me right now its
by Linkin Park it's called Breaking the habit! I love this
song... I am not sure what it talks about YET i havent
heard it enough but i will soon know hahaha. I went to the
mall today and finally bought my dickes!!! They are so pimp
i love them. I saw these gothic people and they were too
funny! They ran into a prep store called Rave Girl and they
were too funny they were wearing ALL black hot topic and
stuff! they were like lets go to Rave Girl!!! woohoo!
hahaha anywayz, I can't stand the person I am why can't i
just live life a normal way? I wonder why i am put through
the stuff that i am put thru... peer pressure my fucking
father losing a sister best friend moving yelling mom and
this guy. I understand i have it OH SO GOOD, but i dont
actually. I dont know what to do but i am not going to sit
here and feel self pity for myself. I swallow the pride and
throw it back up when i feel the way i do. I am hating the
thought of my best friend moving... She is my everything I
dont think that life around me would exist, i lost a sister
do i have to lose a best friend too? I wonder what life
without her would be like? Miserable, depressing, not worth
it. Those are the things that would be on my mind, misery
depression and not living. I loathe the fact that i know i
have to let her go EVENTUALLY but why now... why not in
like high school or something? I am also going to be going
through so much this summer and then enduring the pain and
hate of my best friend leaving... I am going to leave my
problems alone for now, i hope and pray that they dont get
much worse or i won't be able to deal with life as it
exists.