lindsay ann

somewhere in between
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2003-05-02 15:27:02 (UTC)


Britney Spears. Because she's a girl, I wouldn't smack her-
I'd lock her in a closet with poisonous spiders or
something. Let her think about what she's doing to the
youth culture of America - Brandon Boyd

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an
airplane: either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to
meet people who do - Henry Kissinger

the rest are jack handey:

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we
all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper
sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth
part of the face.

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy
river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he
sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might
burn up.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp,
because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try
to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved
it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her.
But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the
funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some
people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging,
he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven-
with a gun."