Diary of an American Witch
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2003-05-02 06:22:43 (UTC)


I did not celebrate Beltane in the traditional way this
year. Instead I lit a candle in my cauldron, and drank a
cup to the Lord and Lady, and the Elements, and the spirits
of the woods. It will have to do for now. The full
Beltine ritual won't be done until the first full moon, I
think it's better that way. It's the dark moon now, and
somehow, I just don't think it would be proper.

Other than that, life goes well. The car is running great,
and tomorrow is friday. Jill and Ash and I are going to go
to this gay bar in joplin and hang out this weekend. If
nothing else, it is going to be an adventure, and I need
more of those in my life.

Something happened to me last night. I was typing an entry
into this journal, and I was talking about the fact that I
was pretty sure someone was feeding off my energy, and I
was getting pretty angry about it. I asked the Lord and
Lady for help in cutting off this person, but I was
thinking in a negative way, and suddenly, the power went
out. It flickered, and went out again, and then came back
on. It was, of course, the Lady's way of getting my
attention. Sort of like a cosmic slap in the face and a
yell of "snap out of it!" It has only happened once
before, when I was arrogant enough to try and backtalk
her. Of course then, I was angry, and in a lot of pain,
but still, not a good idea.

Well, it got my attention allright. It made me think about
what I was doing, and consider how a person has to fight,
and hold themselves in check, when working with magic.
When you have the ability to do supernatural things, the
temptation to stray into negative magic can sometimes be
very great. It's easy to fall into the trap, and very,
very hard to get back out again. Luckily, I had the Lord
and Lady watching out for me. Again and again, I am
reminded that the life I lead now is no longer mundane. It
is a wonderful feeling, but at the same time, kind of
scarey. My worst fear is that one day, I will lash out at
those who hurt, and take advantage of me, and that I won't
be able to come back from it. As Yoda once said "once you
start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your

I suppose that I will just have to be strong, and keep
fighting that temptation. My will is as strong as the
temptation, perhaps stronger, and of course, I have the
Mother and the Father to guide me.

Happy thinking,