malenky devotchka

Bella Morte
Ad 2:
2003-05-01 20:50:46 (UTC)

talk hard

my life has been in tumultuous uproar for the last few
days. actually, its been like that for a while, but for the
last few days-no, week- it has been off the charts. lives
are everchanging, for the better, for the worst, for the
sake of breaking up the monotony of being a teenager stuck
in high school where i can hardly breathe let alone
think!!! being in high school is- difficult. you must come
to school, plan what you are going to become, learn math,
science, philosophy, you must be involved and still do your
homework, you must have a weighted GPA of more than 3.0 if
you ever want to go anywhere worthwhile outside of this
dump called whittier, you must learn manners, plan on
college, get a job, save money, talk to your parents, have
friends (who won't sodding talk about you when you're not
there), find
the perfect boyfriend, stay fit, be a well rounded student
who can do both the performing arts and industrial arts if
you ever want to graduate!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Gahndi! and
you're supposed to survive all of this with out being able
to pray in school. all systems are wracked and
malfunctioning, the bank
closes at five and i've run out of time. i am tired, i am
hated and i am completely clueless about what is going to
happen in the next five seconds- and i haven't even broken
out in a sweat. i am tired of superficiality (did i spell
that correctly?), and yet there are those that are
completetly superficial that i must face
everyday. i learn to ignore it. i can sit there in class or
at practice, i can sit there and all of these people are
around me, all of these people that talk and jabber and
complain and sometimes, i want to scream and i'm SCREAMING
inside and i just block it out, so that people can talk
and chatter and gossip, they can do what they damn well
please, and i don't hear a word of it, i'm all alone in my
mind and they can't touch me, i can even be carrying on a
conversation and i won't hear a W O R D, not a single word.
i go through every motion with such a precise exactness
that it amazes me how i do it at all. i wake up, go to
school, and then-NOTHING, NOTHING, THERE ISN'T ANYTHING,
and i am back at home, like i never left. i'm where i'm
safe from the verbal whiplash of whittier high hallways. of
whittier high drama and all of the PEOPLE. they
KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i hate them, most of them and they don't even know it.
and i don't CARE. i say "FUCK IT ALL".


i say SO BE IT

and i used to be such a nice person...

-ophelia


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