someone_maybe

of little importance
Ad 2:
2003-05-01 05:01:56 (UTC)

trying...still can't...not yet...

and then i see you standing there
calling me home
so i throw down all my bags
and run straight to your arms

wish i could claim that as mine. but i can't. it is how i
feel though.

stillcantwritecantgetthingsoutofmyheadintomyhandsontothecomp
uter.

ineedtotalktoyouaboutthesethingstheoneswetalkedalittlebitabo
utwhileyouwereherethethingyousaidiwasbecomingbeinganorexicim
notidontthinknotyetbutivebeenthinkingalotaboutwhatyousaidand
ijustdontknowwhattodowithitwithwhatimthinkingimreallyscaredt
hatiamandidontknowitorthatiwillbeimnottryingtobeandimnotthat
wayonpurposeifiamandiwontbethatwayonpurposeitoldyouijusteatw
henimhungryandwhenimstressedidonteatandwhentherearealotofthi
ngsrunningthroughmyheadandimthinkingalotthenidonteateitheran
divebeendoingthatalotlatelyyouknowormaybeyoudonthellidonteve
nknowanymoreimjusttiredofbeinginclassesandiknowtheyreendingb
utidontwanttoleaveherethatstheproblemwiththemendingidontwant
tobehomeandimsoafraidyoullleavemeandthatifyourearoundmeallth
etimeyouwontfeelthesamewayyoudonowiknowiwillbutijusticanttru
styouonthatsubjectandyousayyouunderstandbutrightnowiknowyoud
obecauseyouhavetobutifimlikethisforalongtimewillyoustillunde
rstandwillyoustilllovemewillyoustillcareorwillyoujustgiveupo
nmeandletmegooractuallyjustthrowmeawaytossmeoutthewindomifso
okayitshappenedtomebeforeonlythistimeidlikealittlewarningoka
yitscaresmethatitrustyouthismuchalreadybuticantcompletelygiv
emyselftoyouihopethatyouwillunderstandthatitsnotthatineverwi
llitsthaticantrightnowandicantforawhilebutiwanttoireallydoiw
anttojustgivemesometimeokayireallyneeditandineedyourundersta
ndingiknowyourenotreadingitthatswhyimwritinglikethisbecausei
knowicangetthisoutsafelyandifyoudoreaditthenmaybeyoullunders
tandmealittlebitmoreiwantyoutounderstandmecompletelyandvicev
ersabecauseiwanttobewithyoualwaysicanseeiticanseeitforeverbu
tineedyourpatienceineedyourtimeandineedyourpromisespleasebep
atientwithmeidoloveyouandmaybeyoudontseeitbutidojustlookatmy
eyesimjustafraidtosayitandthatsanotherreasonidontwantustosay
itallthetimeilikehowyoudontsayitwhenwereonthephonebecauseiha
tewhenpeoplesayitlikethatunlesstheyrerelatedormarriedorengag
edwhichwerenotnotyetandmaybehopefullywewillbebutijustdontwan
ttosayitallthetimecauseitlosesmeaningandimscaredofitsrealmea
ningifitlosesitstruemeaningthenidonthaveareasontobescaredbut
ialsowillnevergetoverthatfearbutthoughiwantyouto i'm not
asking you to understand. it's your choice.

maybe after getting all of that out i can write now.

...

maybe not.

-s_m


Ad:2