My Life
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2003-04-29 12:37:55 (UTC)

What a bad month

I have never ever had a month as bad as this one has been.I
seen RBS at the beginning of the month and I told him how I
REALLY feel about him,even that I have fallen for him.I did
it because I was so hurt and angry that night because he
told me that he has a girlfriend that lives with him and
that he has to kids.The kid part I kinda don't believe
because the first time that I actually talked to him he
showed me the pictures and told me that it was his nieces
and nephews.Why would he lied to me than because we wasn't
together?After I told my mom she just looked at me and
frowned.I was like what's the matter.She than told me that
she knew that he had a girlfriend because she seen him
picking her up at the store were she works.I asked her why
she didn't tell me and she said it was because that I
wouldn't of believe her.She was right though.Anywho,once
again he told me that he does like me and that he is
starting to like me a little more than her and that I have
to give him time to work things out and see who he wants to
be with.He told me that I would be the first to know than
he said that she would be the first to know.I was like yeah
because you want her,but he said no.I just don't know what
to do anymore.I can't keep crying over his ass.

After that happened with me and RBS I found out that my 16
y/o cousin ran away.We thought he was at school but instead
he skipped it and ran away looking for his girlfriend.After
she moved he cried all the time because he said that he
loves her a lot.So he left us.In a way I wouldn't blame him
because if I had to run away to be with RBS than I
would.The one thing that bothers me is that my little
cousin is blaming himself for it.His brother told him that
if he really loves him than he wouldn't say anything to
anyone.He grew up thinking that no one in the family loves
him.I just wish he knew that we do.I have e-mailed people
in a lot of places that we thought he might of went,his mom
has been to the police and she even cries saying that she
wants to go search everywhere until we find him.He took all
of his pictures so it's harder for us.I can't wait till he
comes back to us.

I wrote Cherity lastnight telling her that if she writes me or e-
mails me that I'll be more and glad to respond but as far as talking
to her on the phone or seeing her in person,I can't do just at this
moment.I thought I was over her until I was talking to her on the
phone than she 3-wayed her boyfriend and they both told me that they
are engaged and I also had to site there listening to her tell him
how much she loves him.I had to get off of the phone after that.I
hope my month don't get any worse.