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2003-04-29 06:25:10 (UTC)

a problem

they fight all the time. well...maybe fight isn't the best
word. argue, disagree, get on each other's nerves. everyday
it's something else and it scares her. if they can't talk
without getting upset at some point, what will happen when
they are able to really spend time with each other?
sometimes she thinks maybe it's just the distance getting
to them - the stress of keeping the relationship together
without being able to actually have much of a relationship.
they have to rely solely on talking, something she's never
been good at, or about. it's hard and he gets frustrated.
he starts demanding and her stubbornness comes out in full
force. he doesn't listen for the full extent of her thought
and jumps to conclusions that he doesn't like. she has to
wait for the next conversation to try again and hope that
this time he hears it all the way through. both are to
blame and yet...neither are really.
she's so scared that all this arguing is going to get in
the way of their love. she's scared that it may already
have started. she doesn't want to lose this, but she's no
longer as confident as she was just a few short
months...even weeks...ago. then she starts being afraid
that maybe she's doing it again...maybe she's sabotaging
the relationship. making herself see all the negative so
that she forgets the positive, forgets her love for him to
save her heart. it's not such a weird event - she's done it
before, never so late in the game though. never with so
much to lose. she'll fight it though. she loves him too
much, needs him too much. she had a taste of life without
him and knows that she can't go through that again. not as
far as she can see, that is. she doesn't want to.
she just wants the fighting to stop...