listen to my silences
2003-04-27 12:24:16 (UTC)

friday and saturday and us

i am so happy. seriously. everything's different. i
can't explain exactly what i mean by that, i just know it
is. i'm happy in a different way than i've ever, i mean
ever, been before. it's a deep down happy even when other
things are upsetting/stressing instead of a just be happy
sometimes. that's the best i can explain the difference.

the time i spend with you goes by too fast and no amount of
time with you would be too much.

friday was my last day of work. it dragged on and on.
brandon picked me up after i got off at twelve and we came
back here. we got here about one i think. we were just
going to sleep, but we talked. for like ever. it was good
though. really good. we were going to leave at five, but
we didn't get out of here until between five thirty and
five forty-five. i got up and took a shower. and dressed
in my new cutsified outfit. tiffany got me this really
cute shirt for my birthday and i bought a belly chain/belt
thingamig. i have to admit, i looked good. i've lost a
little weight from being stressed and eating better, so
everything fit damn nice. lol. oh man! i just remembered
that i left my belly chain/belt thing in brandon's car.
hey hey now, none of those thoughts. i'm explaining.

k so he took me back to na to see my sister go to prom. on
the way home he was really tired cause we hadn't slept at
all. he kept having to blink a lot so he wouldn't doze
off. if i was allowed to drive, he would have had me drive
home. he almost had to. i kept making up these games to
play so he would stay awake. we finally found one that
worked. it goes like this: the first person says something
like name a tree that starts with f and the second person
has to say an answer as fast as they can think it. we were
playing that game and he went to pass someone. we got in
the left lane and then...we just kept going over to the
left. it took me a split second to realize that he'd
closed his eyes. i said brandon really loudly and he
snapped out of it. then pulled over to the shoulder and
threw his car into park. it didn't scare me, but it did
him. he said "you're driving". and then he didn't let
me. lol. it was all good, i knew he wasn't going to. he
takes care of me like that; watches out for me like.

anyways we sat on the shoulder for about ten minutes while
he calmed down and i told him that everything would be all
good and rubbed his back. he pulled back onto the highway
to go to the next exit and get something to eat and drink.
well there's this stretch of road where all of the exits
lead to towns/cities that are twenty minutes away from the
exit ramp. so that does us no good. the reason i knew
this was that i was running low on gas in this area and
everytime i got off at an exit to get gas, there were no
gas stations. it sucked. so anyways we finally got to an
exit that was useful. we went to a gas station. i went to
get out of the car and didn't open the door wide enough and
ran into it. it was funny. then about two seconds later i
tripped on a step. omigosh it was hilarious. the way
things were going you would have thought that i was the one
who needed the food and drinks. lol. anyways we went in
and i made him get apple juice, chips, and a drink with
caffeine in it. we left the store and went to his car. i
made him drink five sips of apple juice, eat several chips,
and drink five sips of big red before we could leave. then
the rest of the way home we played the game i made up and i
kept telling him when and what to drink so that he wouldn't
fall asleep. it worked. i'm a good tired driver doctor.
or was that tired doctor driver? lol.

we got back to his house at eight thirty there time. he
took a bath and i tried to take a nap. didn't work. he
lay with me after his bath for about a half hour. then he
had to go to work. he took me there with him cause he went
early. after he clocked in i called my sister's boyfriend
cause he wanted me to go with him to look at jewelry for
her. so we looked at jewelry for several hours. we looked
at what he wanted to find for her, and i must say the boy's
got good taste. and we looked at engagement rings like the
one i want. lol. it was funny.

at this point no one except him and brandon knew i was in
town. when ben and i got done looking at jewelry we went
to zesto's to get ice cream. i was good and got
butterscotch instead of chocolate. then he wanted to go
see susan at the hair place so went there and i surprised
her. it was great. she was excited. we stayed there
awhile and then ben took me back to k-mart so i could eat
with brandon on his lunch. we didn't eat. he just took me
to my house and we hung out there until he had to go back.

he left and i helped my sis get ready for prom. she looked
gorgeous. seriously. mom and i went over with them to
ben's sister's house to take pictures. then me her and
brian went to taco hut pizza bell to eat. it was pretty
good, but i was an idiot and had a whole bunch of salt all
at once. stupid cause i hadn't eaten all day. duh. i'm
an idiot, i know. oh well. so i was dizzy for awhile. we
went back home and i lay down until brandon came over to
take me back to evansville. he took me to his house and we
stayed there for awhile. he took a bath cause he was
sweaty from work and his mom and i talked and watched tv.
she's great. seriously. and according to him she likes
me. yay! it's good. everything's good. hell,
everything's great.

we went to burger king before we left na cause he hadn't
had anything to eat all day. then we came back here. i
took the belly chain/belt thing off cause it was hurting my
back when we were driving back. we talked all the way home
too. it's so awesome that we can talk for hours upon hours
and just be content with that. i love it. we got back
here and went right to sleep. and slept really really
well. let me just tell you how great it was to wake up and
have someone next to me. it was wonderful. i am so
content and happy and at peace.

he left not too long ago. too soon for my liking.

my pillow smells like him. he hee.

just for those of you who don't know me, we didn't have
sex. we talked about the fact that i don't want to until
i'm married. and he said he doesn't want to until marriage
either. things are good. we talked a lot about the future
yesterday. honestly, if i wasn't going to school and he
wasn't planning on it, i could see us married within the
next sixth months to a year.

i love him.

he told me he loved me friday night. he told me first.
i'd known i loved him before that, but i wouldn't tell him
first. i've done something important first in a
relationship too often. when he told me, it took my breath
away. i couldn't say or do anything. i couldn't move. it
was cool. once i could move again i told him i loved him
too. i do. i really do.

i see us being together forever. seriously.

we don't say i love you to each other very often. but
that's a good thing i think. because the less often you
say it out loud, the more meaning it has when you do.
there are other ways of showing someone you love them other
than speaking out loud. saying i love you over and over
just takes away from the meaning of the word love. i don't
want that. neither does he. i know he loves me. he says
it everyday, even when he doesn't speak out loud.

k well i'm out for now cause i'm still tired. i have
things to think about and i'm tired and i have homework.
yay. that's okay though. i'm happy, and that's what

final thought: i remind myself of somebody else