Diary of Stuff (Volume I)
2003-04-26 10:33:44 (UTC)


i was just on, and noticed that shirley manson
had her own diary on about being accessible...

sometimes, i think i am so puking intelligent, that it gets
in the way of me actually enjoying my life, and my time
here on this planet....

the so many days of Lent, and the periods of fasting and
abstinence, which culminated on Easter Sunday, and having
watched a few stories on television about the Bible, have
pretty much blown me out of the religious habit, so to
speak, and i have been sort of relieving myself of the
knowledge that I have ascertained in studying it, that I
wanted to walk it alone, and find out for myself what it
was like... it is weird to rely on faith for these many
months now, and then decide to go without, and it feels
precarious... Holy semi's!! I almost got plowed in the
side by a speeding semi if it weren't for me looking both
ways before proceeding underneath the green light.... it
was early morning, like 4:15am, and so i think the driver
was not fully awake, but he did manage to slow down and
stop almost halfway into the traffic light, so i slowly
drove in front and around him.... talk about a close
call... later that day, as we headed back, it just poured
on some heavy rain, and there were cars pulled over to the
side, thinking that it would be safer to let the torrent
pass over, and i said, gee, i don't think that i will be
abandoning the faith anytime soon again, lol.... I viewed
a show that postulated that maybe it were some Roman
soldiers that opened the tomb of Jesus and took his body
out, that made me speculate that morning, and left me
thinking again about truth and validity.... You never
know, you just don't know.... For in the Catholic
doctrine, Jesus is a God, and not just a man... and you
must remember, i just only turned to the Catholic faith
only a year ago, and was mostly agnostic before then. I
knew God, but never knew Jesus, and it has been slow and
turbulent to accept him as he is portrayed in the faith, as
the Son of God, God in flesh, God as Man...

(Wake me up.)
Wake me up inside.
(I can't wake up.)
Wake me up inside.
Save me.
Call my name and save me from the dark....

oh, it is a bloody hell, that i am up so late, when i
should be sleeping... i have been wrestling with the truth
in other areas as well, it seems, and i have become
sleepless and restless, because of it...

let the pain go away,
so you can experience it yet another day.....

Suffering makes you stronger, to the point where you don't
feel human anymore, and have need of God, and Jesus, and
Mary, (and Joseph,) that you feel loved once again, and
that is the beauty of it...