cj

Insights
2003-04-26 02:30:27 (UTC)

agony or just plain missing you?

Its so incredibly overwhelming. I don't understand what
is happening to me. Its perfectly logical. You've
gone. Youre coming back. I am a semi intellectual person.
Why can't I rationalize the discomfort of your not being
here? Dammit. I'm sitting here typing and crying. I feel
like an idiot...but I never loved anything so much as I
love you. I don't know if I'm blinded by love or...and
this sounds more appropriate...my eyes are open for the
first time. Life somehow seems more fragile to me now.

I never felt so inadequate to express how I feel. I believe its
because I've never loved anyone like this. I'm not even sure I knew
what love was before. Are there words? What do other people do who
feel this way? What do they say? How do they get it out? I would
never regret anything so much as I would if I couldn't express this
to you in some way.

And now I realize I know nothing. I understand
nothing...and for the first time in my life....its okay
that I'm small and that my understanding is finite....cuz
you are here in this world living life too. It makes
everything brighter, sweeter, more tender and I wanna be
an old lady just so I can spend every moment of my life
finding out more and more about who you are and what makes
you you. Can I be more grateful? My heart could
burst...so much joy. I love you. Its not enough to say
what it is I feel for you. It will never be enough. Just
listen to my heart. You can hear it. No matter how far
away you are.