Cosmic Rain
2003-04-25 04:00:56 (UTC)


It was somewhat peaceful, which felt somewhat strange.
Sitting at over 40,000 ft in the air or so, doing a
crossword and looking out the window and seeing the land
pass on by and the clouds just gliding along so close. I
felt like I was in the most relaxing place one could be,
that was totally surreal. There aren't many words to
describe it. I guess it's because it's not something you do
everyday. It was an awesome feeling.

So I am back. Time went so fast. I guess because it was non
stop all the time and wasn't until the last day that I got
to sit down on the beach with Cat and Bryan and just take
it all in and relax. How truly strange it felt to only have
been in Melbourne few days before then to suddenly be in
Qld and then leaving again so soon to return to Melbourne.
I took the extra days in the thinking that spending $500 or
so just on plane tickets for a funeral seemed quite a lot
if I only stayed just for that. So I flew up on the Monday
arvo and left Thursday arvo. Still wasn't long enough. I'd
just started to relax and it was time to go again. But I
wasn't going there for a holiday in the first place, so
didn't expect to treat it totally as one. But to just make
the most of my time there.

It was a mixed time. It was hard. I don't think all had
fully hit me until the funeral. Not until all the emotions
fell into place and seeing how my cousins and Aunty were
feeling. It makes you reflect on your own family. And then
so much of it brought back close to home the loss of my
Nan. And you feel the loss all over again, as well as the
new loss. And taking in all of it, whilst watching your
family struggle to stay somewhat intact only to see them
break. It's heart breaking. You feel their misery and it
really hurts. My sisters and I went for my Dad. To support
him and to support my Aunty and my cousins. Because it's
all you can do. And because it is family and you'd do no
less for them. Just wish it didn't have to be occassions
like this what you all get together. But you feel a sense
of unity. Specially when my Mum's side of the family go
too. My Mum's brother lives in Qld and they went to support
my Dad. Some of Mum's family did that for my Nan's passing
and it really makes you think just how wonderful family can
be when people really need it the most. I don't know the
words for it. I know the feeling I had both times upon
seeing my Mum's family there for both funerals. But it
certainly gives you a sense of unity.

Then the night after the funeral we had a ceromony of just
family and close friends for the releasing of the ashes. To
be honest I was totally not expecting ashes to be "that"
heavy. You pass the ashes around between everyone before
they get sprinkled. I realised a lot of it would be the
coffin, but still was not expecting that much weight and I
guess nor was I expecting to do something like that. To be
that close to it. My Aunty said some prayers and then Shaun
my cousin sprinkled the ashes. It was quite beautiful in a
strange way and peaceful. Some just floating off into the
air, as we all stood on the hillside just on dusk and
reflected and said our final goodbyes.

And I have suddenly lost my mood to write anymore. So I'll
write again soon or something or whatever.