Joy's Online Journal
2003-04-24 18:08:16 (UTC)


Well, today hasn't been anything special. I went to class
and came home, and that's about it. I wish I could fix
what's wrong with me....I wish I could be semi normal. All
I want is to be happy, not a messed up freak that can't
talk to anyone without getting scared to death. Sometimes
I can't even face my own parents. Usually writing poetry
helps, but I've been churning out a bunch of works and I
still have so much to say. I don't have anyone that I can
really talk to about everything...I have Donahue, but I
can't share EVERYTHING with him. Sometimes one needs to
talk to someone different. He has Langan to talk to when i
can't be of help, but I don't have a person like that.
There are a few people that I can talk to, but I don't
want to be a burden on them. My disorders have driven away
potential friends in the past, and I really don't think I
could bear for that to happen again. I don't want to end
up like I was before, but I'm slowly creeping towards that
road again. I don't know what to do to stop it, but I have
to do something before I make a big mistake. I guess there
are some good things in my bugs, the dogs, as
much as I hate to admit it, Taco too. There's also Donahue
as well. I've been talking to Kelly Swift a lot lately,
and he's been great to talk to. I wish more people in this
world were that nice, and I'm glad he's around, though I
don't know him that well. I respect him tremendously for
the work he has done, and for the person he is. He's going
to be kind enough to babysit my snakes since my parents
won't let me keep them. I hate having to just dump them
like this, but there's nothing else I can do. I'm not
letting them stay at Donahue's, because if his parents
find his, he'll have an excuse to blame it all on me. I'm
not going ot set myself up for that. Well, storms are
moving into the area, so I guess I better get off this