All That I Am
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2003-04-24 16:46:10 (UTC)

What Does It All Mean?

"Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I
beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer,
then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes
into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you
owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard
for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then -- one
day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is
paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out
of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into
rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power
to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-
seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then
you die. Maybe."
-- Dennis Leary

So, I'm going through that kind of weird, pseudo-spiritual
thing again. Where I start to think of the meaning of it
all. I was thinking today, as I was looking at my bills
from Aquinas College...what's the point in working my ass
off to pay all of this off when I'm going to die anyway?
Seriously, what's the point? Don't get me wrong, I'm not
cashing in my chips and talking suicidal or anything but
why do people work so hard to accumulate all of these
things and to buy a house and blah blah blah when you're
going to die anyway and you won't have it anymore? This is
sorta kinda why being uber rich isn't important to me and
I'd rather being seeing the world and doing stuff rather
than wasting my time trying to make tons of money when it's
not going to mean much in the end. The whole purpose of
being here, I think, is to be happy and just live life. But
me trying to find another job so I can make more money to
afford college and the other luxuries that I want....I
don't seems like a dead end in the long run. I
think I may look back and think I've been wasting my years
working my ass off. At this point in my life though, I do
want to go back to college just for the experience. College
wasn't fun the first few times I went because I think of
the stress with money and because I didn't know if I was
going for the right major or not, but now I want to get
back into it. I don't think I have such a hectic shift next
week and I have to go and see the financial aid advisor by
next thursday so probably Monday or Tuesday next week I'll
go over to Pierce College and see if I can get any moolah.

Okay it's getting kinda crowded in the lab so I'm going to
go walk around and make sure noone is looking at porn.