All That I Am
2003-04-22 20:50:39 (UTC)

I Lost My Way

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if
you just sit there."
-- Will Rogers

In my literature class at Aquinas College in Michigan, one
of our assignments was to pick out a phrase or quote that
best suited us. Something we could live our life by and I
picked this one. Throughout high school I had it imprinted
on my brain that I was going to become a surgeon and make
big bucks and do something that I'd love. I had taken
literally every science class in school and ran through
anatomy like it was a kindergarten class while others were
either struggling or failing. I knew that being a surgeon
was my calling in life. But then senior year I took
psychology class and it changed everything. Not only did I
tear through that class (I think I got a 98%), I absolutely
100% loved it but I wasn't really educated about the field
of psychology and with graduation so close I didn't think
it was wise to make any abrupt changes to my plans. So, I
decided to stay on the "right track" and just do plan
A...unfortunately plan A became tedious and I really didn't
love it as much as I thought and I met others who had
psychology as a major and were having so much fun
(professors and classes). It's weird because when I look at
it now it's a no brainer, no big deal I could just change
my mind...but being 18yrs old and fresh out of high school
and kinda sorta terrified of being on my own, I had this
idea that if I didn't stick with pre-med then my life would
just collapse on me because I strayed from the right path.
I wouldn't change anything about Aquinas because I met so
many good people there and it was THE moment in my life
that I can look back on and say it changed me as a person
more than anyother time in my life. But I was so reckless
and just chaotic back then that I was all over the place
and I think part of it stemmed from the fact that I didn't
live life up until that point and just did what was right
and didn't sway too far from the beaten path. Once I got a
taste of...I don't know just freedom I guess...I couldn't
handle it and went wild. I think I'm where I want to be
right now though. There's of course tons of stuff I want to
do but as of now, I feel free from all the pressure I put
on myself to be perfect. Perfect grades, to have that
perfect just be perfect. During Lit class (at AQ)
we had to explain what the quote/phrase/poem meant and I
said at first that I thought you could be on the right
track but if you don't go after it what you want then the
moment/opportunities will pass you by...but now it's
meaning has changed: on the outside, everything in your
life can be great, you can have everything you've ever
wanted, have the perfect job, etc.....but if your not happy
where you're at in life or on the tracks, then the train
will eventually catch up to you and mow you down. I think I
got caught up in society/family's expectations of what
the "right track" was and lost myself and what it was that
I wanted in life to make myself happy.

I didn't think this entry was going to be that long but
once you open the flood gates, blah blah blah. Well, that's
all for now! Later.