Thoughts from Blue Angel
2003-04-21 15:27:23 (UTC)

Yet Another Weight Complaint Entry

I am SO mad at myself right now. At the rec center this
morning, I weighed 189 pounds! That not only makes me want
to cry, it makes me want to hide in my room! How could I
let this happen again? That's 30 pounds in 3 or 4 months!

I am trying so hard to be positive, but I just can't
today. I've tried so many times in the past few months to
start working out every day and eat better, but I keep
failing. It's not that I don't enjoy it... I really do.
So why do I have this problem? I have to stop being lazy!

I hate to look in the mirror, because my face looks so
blown up. None of my summer clothes that I bought last
year fit me right. I'm ashamed to see people I know,
because it would be hard for them not to notice how much
weight I've gained. I met all of Tyler's family this
weekend, and I felt so self-conscious about my weight,
especially with his two supermodel-like step sisters.

I just started birth control, which means that if I don't
start really trying, I will only gain more weight. I HAVE
to do this. I cannot get up to 200 pounds.

I feel so ugly and discouraged.