galaxton

ton o galaxy
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2003-04-21 06:24:37 (UTC)

bunnydayendings...


i tried to be social and active today. I really did. I
went to the park. I went to the outdoor party. It was a
prozac day. That's what i've decided ot call them. Prozac
days. I don't really feel comfortable in my own skin.
Talking to people seems forced to me.I think they know what
is going on in my head. Now that I think about it, I've
always been this way. It's part of who I am. For the past
few years I think i thought it was a curse or there was
something wrong with me. Not anymore.
Now I know. It just has to be the right gathering,i have
to be in the right mood. Maybe. i don't know if i will ever
be comfortable again in a club or at a party. I become so
self conscious. I hate feeling that way. Everyone is there
to be looked at. Sexualized. To have a good time. Whatever
the reason is. I have envied the folks who are without a
care. That's always been the thought process where i turn
inward and question what is about me that will never be
that way. If that is their positive, than what is mine?

this is how i felt today.

oh yeah, but i must say that the best part of my day was
finding out about what the actual holiday meant. Scary i
didn't think to ask before. Anyway, so it's a spring time
awakening of some goddess. People are supposed to fuck like
bunnies. And the egg is the fertility symbol. Cool .I think
we shoud look at our roots more.


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