xiaobaibai

penny for your thoughts
2003-04-20 23:47:56 (UTC)

not again?

its the first day of my exams today. sigh, had another
sleepless night again.

my thoughts for today had mostly been on about love. funny
how most of them time when i write down my thoughts had
been about love. do i really spend so much time wondering
and looking for it? feels kinda shallow though.

i wonder how it feels like to be in love anyway. i heard a
quote once that went something like love was a feeling that
was talked about by many but experienced by few. kinda like
an orgasm, ya think? heh heh. i had once thought i was in
love, but after thinking about it more, it didn't seem like
love anymore. cos when i think back about it now, i feel
kind of disappointed that i "spent" my feelings on someone
like that. i don't think love is supposed to be like that.

most of the time, i think i've been saying those 3 little
words to my beaus just cos i felt pressured to. sad but
true. but one thing i have noticed during my brief
relationships was that my feelings for them are never
really constant. sometimes i felt strong feelings of
affection towards them, and then at times, especially when
they do something dumb and hurtful, i feel like i made a
huge mistake and the feeling just.....dissapates. does
everyone feel like that? is affection supposed to be like
that?

prob not. i think love is supposed to be stronger than
that. maybe we would feel vexed by our loved ones once in a
while, but i don't think we would feel like giving up. oh
well, they say love is sweet and painful at the same time.
the feeling of gain and loss, where we gain the love of
someone, but lose our shield of protection for our feelings
and make ourselves more vulnerable.

wish me luck for the exams!!


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