Euphoric Nothingness
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2003-04-20 23:38:08 (UTC)

A Funky Trip Home

I just got back from Daytona. What a journey. So much
happened yet not much at all. I have a lot to share. Some
is good, some isn't. I got to do a lot of thingink and I
realized a few things, especially on the way home. So
let's divulge into my brain.

Well the Easter food was great. My mom certainly knows how
to fix a great meal. We had ham and macaroni and biscuits
and all that good stuff. I even got some leftovers to
bring home so I can have Easter food all during Finals
Week. Yum Yum.

Me and my mom also got to discuss some important issues.
She helped me tweak my budget and help my apartment
search. I talked to her about school and work and got her
valuable and trustworthy opinion.

However the most important topic was my father. Well I
found out he was still alive, although that really isn't
all that important. He called my mom because he wants to
help out with me and my sister now that he's going back to
work. Apparently he was getting Social Security and part
of that was going to my mom. Well now he claims that he is
going to send some money to my mom to cover some expenses.

Now this raises some interesting questions. First is "What
the hell?". My mom says that he doesn't have the guts to
ask me and my sister to let him back in our lives. At
least for me, it won't happen...EVER! That is one of the
main reasons I am leaving the Southern US once I finish
school. I am skeptical of his ultimate purpose and it
bothers me. It bothers me a lot............................

I think another big thing that occured to me was the triple
major decision. With school going up in price, I don't
think I will be able top afford going 5 years as an
undergraduate. It's hard enough as it is. However, I do
have 132 credit hours to spend and I am going to probably
use them for degrees in Political Science and History along
with the minor in Statistics. I have all summer to think
about it and I will make my decision later on.

I think that the most surprising thing that happened this
weekend just occured less than an hour ago. I had another
epiphany. I think that me and Brandi may have some
destined purpose to have met back in August 2000. I think
we may be destined to be together for at least some
significant period. However, it all just happened so fast
and so suddenly that I am not sure what to think.

Me and Brandi met almost three years ago. It was my first
day at Atlantic (the high school I graduated from). My
friend Jennifer Lopez (not the one with the big booty) was
in my AP Spanish class. There were 6 of us: Jennifer, 3
other Spanish girls, myself, and Brandi. However, it
turned out that I had 2 other classes with Brandi (we had 4
in one day). So we were in Photo IV with Miss Holges that
I got to have my first real conversation with her.
Absolutely amazing! We had so much in common and could
relate to each other so much that we were both in shock.

That afternoon, I knew that I had made a special
connection. I thought to myself that if I go to prom, I'm
going to take Brandi. It was amazing. Within a week, we
were talking for hours (we talked online since we both had
a lot of people we knew on there) about anything and
everything. A girl at our photo table suggested that we
should go to Homecoming together. We looked at each other
funny, however knowing that we should spend some time
outside of school together. So we opted out of going to
Homecoming, but we did agree to do something.

That something ended up being bowling. I was hoping to ask
her out that night, but she brought her best friend along.
In the end, six of us went. It was a very fun night with
some really cool people. However, me and her were kinda
looking at each other the whole time and we got
caught....my Brandi's best friend. This ended up being
where the pain begins.

Her best friend figured it out and confronted me about it.
Thinking that this was a golden oppurtunity for me, I
admitted the obvious. The best friend, Stephanie, played
off of it for the rest of the night. Brandi and I were
talking online that night and I admitted what I told
Stephanie. It was a disaster.

So I asked her that night for a date. She was surprised at
first, and she said that she would seriously think about
it. She talked to her best friend about it and her best
friend said that she should say no because it may hurt the
friendship that them 2 have.

After a week of hard thinging, Brandi finally said that she
respected me and thought highly of me, but she had to
politely decline. The best friend had screwed me over.
Well a couple of months had past. Me and Brandi were still
tight and we seemed to be flirting a lot. People in 2 of
our classes thought we were having a secret relationship.
But that bond continued and we became stronger friends.

Our birthdays are 5 days apart. We had coordinated
seperate get togethers since we had a lot of common
friends. We seemed drawn to each other at our parties and
we confided in each other. During Brandi's party, I took
her to Blockbuster to get some movies. She wasn't feeling
well and basically told me what all was going on. I felt a
strong bond bond to her again that had begun at my house
the Saturday before. We were going for each other again.

Fearing another rejection, I stalled on going for it
again. I had never asked a girl out more than once, or
even thought about it. I was in uncharted territory. So
finally, one of other friends, Andrea, sinced what was
going on and asked me about it. I told her that I wanted
to take her to prom and have it be the night that we
finally came together. Brandi found out and told me that
she just wanted to go "with friends" but it was nothing
against me. She even invited me to go with her.

However, I wanted her all to myself. I was completely
devastated. I couldn't even see her. I seperated myself
from her for 3 weeks. FInally, she got a friend of ours to
deliver a 3 page note (that I still possess) that explained
why she wouldn't go with me. She said that it wasn't
anything against me, it was that she wanted to assure
herself a good prom night. The year before, the guy that
asked her cancelled on her 2 days before......

It was an omen. I eventually asked another girl, who
cancelled on me 2 days before to go with someone else. It
happened to be a strong enemy of Brandi's. I didn't know
about the rivalry, otherwise I would have never even
contemplated asking the other girl. So I spent my prom
night trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I was
completely baffled. I still am to this day.

After that, Brandi had a graduation party. I went and had
a great time. I met a lot of her family and got along with
them great. It was the last time I have seen her.

She went to New York to visit her father for the summer.
By the time she got back, I was moving here to Orlando. So
we never got to spend the summer together.

Since then, I have occassionally talked to her. It has
been a while since we last had significant contact. But I
realized that I need to establish contact again and see if
my gut feeling is true. Are me and Brandi supposed to be
and destined to be together? Only time will tell......