dancedancerevolucion

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2003-04-19 13:10:00 (UTC)

Fucking Christ and his Bitches

so its 8:51 in the morning and i had in total about 2
hours of rest...

heres my story...

while at the club, my stomach kept making weird noises...i
thought it was liver damage...it wasn't...but i kept it to
myself...i wondered how i could get so buzzed off two
vodkas but whatever...the night went on..

so last night while andrew and alex drove me home, i've
all of a sudden developed the worst feeling in my
stomach...im like "hmm i have to fart"...i didn't fart
because of two reasons...A) andrew would be like "dont
fart in my car" B) i knew i would shit my pants...so i
kept it to myself...they drove me home I run into the
house and run to the toilet...i fart in the toilet but no
shit...so i get up and take half a step...suddenly the
worst feeling comes upon my stomach and i sit right down
and shit out Diarhhoea...hmm im thinking...strange...so i
wait 5 minutes...nothing...so i get up take half a step
and then i have to shit again...so i shit out diarhhoea
again!...im like ok whatever...i get up this time and no
shit so i go to the computer and talk to chris sanchez...

so im talking to chris sanchez and im deep breathing
because my stomach is in knots landing and im trying to
talk to him but i can't...i start shivering like mad so im
like holy shit i think somethings wrong...all of a sudden
i get the strangest urge to puke my brains out...so i tell
him and hes all like oh no go to the hospital then hes
like SARS so im like shut up stop talking to me so i left
him and i run to the toilet and dry heave but nothing
comes out...so im spitting in the toilet when i hear a
knock...like this...

KNOCK KNOCK

i can hear my mom from the other side of the
door..."renzo, ma, you feela sick?" im like yeah..."oh
shit because daddy era sick too"...so i get up and i open
the door and im like "oh no"...apparently my dad barfed
before i got home and was shitting his pants all
night...my mom is looking at me and shes like "i no feel
so good now"...so we go in her room and we're both holding
our stomachs trying to calm down the alien that wants to
burst out and eat us alive...it gets better kids...so then
my sister comes down holding her pregnant stomach and she
sees me holding my stomach...shes like "oh my god don't
tell me your sick too!" at this point im like we're all
gonna die...my stomach was gonna rip apart...so we're all
in my moms room when my mom gets up and runs to the
bathroom and pukes out her brains...within 2 seconds my
sister runs to my bathroom and shes puking out her
brains...my dad in the meantime is in the basement
bathroom puking and shitting out his brains and im running
around the house holding my stomach screaming like a mad
man...so everyone's barfing and shitting and then we're
like hmm "i think we have food poisoning"...at this point
i hadn't barfed yet...so everyone relaxed and had lemon
tea when suddenly it was my turn! so i ran to the
bathroom and barfed up a storm and then realized that i
hate this right now...

it turns out my sisters barfed about 6 times by now, my
mom 3, my dad once and me twice...i woke up at 7 after
falling asleep at 6:30 and barfed again for good measure...

in conclusion, we called telehealth ontario and they told
us it was the flu bug, not food poisoining because not
everyone got sick...we have no choice but to quarantine
ourselves for the next 24-48 hours and we must sip water
not gulp (and right now i wanna drink my entire cooler!)
and eat dry toast only in little pieces...god damn it its
not even whole wheat...so interesting enough i hope that
none of you guys get sick because apparently we're the
only 4 that got sick...paul is ok and so our all my
cousins...i really hope i didn't get you guys sick last
night if i did im really really really really really sorry
and i love you guys nonetheless...

so my dad barfs standing up and howls like a coyote at the
same time...its really funny...me, my sister and mom all
laughed about it for 5 minutes until we all started
barfing again...so im off to hold my stomach and die from
pain and i can't understand why i want to shit so much and
yet i can't shit...its so weird...maybe im tired...

k call me later and if im not barfing or shitting or dying
from pain i'll take your call!

love
renzo


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