thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2003-04-17 16:16:55 (UTC)

want to cut...again...go figure *shakes head*

I always want to cut, so it's not like this is anything
new. I tell ya, if i don't get out of the house today, i
can garuntee a nice little cutting session. *sigh*.
Bruising got boring after doing it all day yesterday with
barely any results, and quite frankly, i prefer blood. So
cut i shall. Unless of course i get out and throw all that
shit away. Which i really really want to do, but being too
young to drive, i can't go anywhere. My dad doesn't like
driving me places. *sigh*
I wrote in my food diary again yesterday *shrug* I was
bored so i just wrote down what I hadnt in the past 4 days.
Ah well, it's not like that "step" was going to accomplish
anything anyway. I've been a pig the last few days, oi, it
sucks. I'm never going to look good this summer. I'm going
to be all scar-y and unfit and blech. How the HELL am i
going hide the scars from my parents? We have a summer camp
on a lake, so in the summer i live in a bathing suit top
and shorts. Eee this is going to be interesting...
Blah I'm bored beyond all reason. I think I'm going to
take a shower and mope around. G'day to you and yours, ~me

Later: Just ate half a peanut butter sandwich. 14 grams of fat. Half
a days worth in half a sandwich. Lordy. *shakes head*

Even later: itching to cutty cut cut cut. Must. stay. distracted.
Ahhh. So i watched Lord of the Rings to try to keep my mind busy. I
ended up spacing out and thinking about cutting. Cutty cut cut cut.
Not going to. Not going to. God i want to. *pout*. It's just so
perfect.




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