zizzledpenguin

poor not very updated journal
2003-04-17 05:16:25 (UTC)

lol, god i am so fuckn screwed up

Eveyrthing wasnt that bad today. I wish I wasnt so fat
tho. Im trying to give myself more conifdence but sumhow I
cant seem to luv this roundess hanging off me. Its gross
and I wont love myself till it’s gone. I want to feel
small and healthier. No, no really because I want to be a
super model like pop stars. But because I want to feel
small in myself and be able to be as a child and people
look at me lovelyingly as thus but still with all the
respect of my age. Does that work? I dunno. Think how fun
it would be to pamper myself and treat myself as I would a
dear friend. To love who I was and truly enjoy the life I
have. I wish.. Hey! I just figured out what the insert
button was, lol. I need pain. Is that not creepy to
admit? Maybe i’llgo smoke the last of the pot after dark,
only maybe cuz my throat is a slight vunerable after that
attempted but not fully successful vomiting. Wouldn’t it
be great if everytime I wanted to eat albeit a few times I
just smoked or played ddr? Huh, sure. I saw Audra at the
mall and Mai. Audra looked the same as ever but Mai
compltetly different.




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