Mismatched thoughts of a Virgo
2003-04-15 00:06:54 (UTC)


Sometimes you just wonder whats going on in life, in the
confusion, the hurt feelings everything. Sometimes you
also wonder how blind people could be when you hold
something you know they want in front of their face. But
they turn their head like its wrong or rotten. People are
a confusing thing, and then they wonder why I try to stay
away, to keep my life to myself, inside the little bubble
I have. I've been doing that for awhile, I know I should
just stand up and accept what is going on in my life, but
its just so hard. And... and I dont think I'm ready just
yet for my bubble to be burst. I hold on to the past that
I have made even though I hate what it is composed of and
I try to think to the future but my mind goes blank. I'm
also afraid for myself, I know that I wont always be the
same person I am now, I know that... But I dont want to
change really, and I dont know whats going to change me, I
have a small idea but I dont want to go down that path, I
dont want to do what everyone wants me to. I just wish
they could see that and let me be myself, of course there
are many people I love and are to precious to me for me to
just end it all... plus if I did that who would take care
of my pets, and who would love them as much as I do?
But heres a list of people I do love and hate at the same
time and why.

BEN W.: I love him for his personality, the way he can
make anyone laugh if he tries, how he is always so
considerate of others. How he knows what he believes and
sticks to it no mater what anyone else tells him. I also
like his height, I do think hes cute physicaly, and that
he has pretty eyes.
I hate the fact that he tries to make others beleieve what
he does and wants them to change it for him. He frustrates
me to no end with his niceness though, I honestly want to
know some things, and I wont be hurt or angered because he
told me in fact I would like and respect him more for
being so honest but he refuses to tell me saying that it
would get me angry and its rude, or wrong. And I do tell
him that it wont but he still refuses to tell me which
does cause me to get angry or frustrated.
Personaly I do have a chrush on him, it used to be huge,
but I've begun to lose it slowly, I have made myself do
it, I know I have no chance of being with him so now I
look for a new chrush to go after that wont make me change
my life to be with him.

JENN B.: Shes my best freind, I love almost everything
about her, Shes pretty, has a flamboyant attitude, has the
strangest quirks like eatting chocolate makes her tired,
and medication doesnt seem to work on her. I love her for
who she is and how well we get along.
I dont like the fact that she flirts so much, I know she
means it jokingly but I'm afraid something bad might
happen one time and someone wont take it as a joke, also
its very hard for her to keep promises or be on time. She
has ADD or ADHD and I really dont mind, but she doesnt
realise what is important for her to do, I have ADD but I
know I have to do something when its important so I try
really hard to stay focused on task. She doesnt and if you
try to get her to she gets angry. She is very spoiled
also, if you tell her no she gets very angry with you and
that is also something I dont like very much, I try to not
let her be as spoiled as she wants but its hard, I think
shes used to getting it because she is very cute and very
hard to say no to.

MYA D.: I love Mya to death, she is also a best freind of
mine, and we get along great, we love to hang out and
everything. Also she doesnt care when I tease her about
her shirts, because she wears very low cut ones. Guys call
her a tease and I tease her about them especially when her
bra is showing.
I dont like the fact that she rushes into things to
quickly without thinking them through. She left her
boyfriend of 4-5 years which was good, but then 2 days
later if that she begins to go out with another boy, which
would be good but its a spur of the moment thing, it hasnt
even been two weeks and they are telling each other they
love each other and things like that. I worry alot about
her, she gets into situations she cant control and it isnt
good for her, I know I should be happy for her... but she
makes it really hard to...

These are my three best freinds, the ones I use to hold my
sanity together, and three of the people I choose to live
for. It sounds strange but I do hold them so closely to my
heart even if I chose not to show them that