I Don't Love you
Current mood: worried about my files, happy ^_^
Current music: Winamp playlist (#1 - Affirmation:Savage
[oooookaaaaaaay.... translate that as "It's Anrui" heheh].
I've been doin reeeally well with my writing, I think the
holiday has inspired me even better!
I'm onto chapter four of Untitled Fourteen, and I've been
having cool idea's for everything.
Especially for that Heero/Quatre, Lavender. I've thought of
a sequel, and there are gonna be spinoffs. The sequel is
called Harmony, and thats the name of Heero and Quatre's
other daughter [in my world and the Lavender timeline].
The spinoff I did last night is really cool. I'm in a
typing mood, so i'll put it in at the end. There's another
hanging round in my brain too....
This entry is called "I don't love you" because I am trying to
convince myself I dont love Suiren and Tom. Not suceeding :(
My cross broke yesterday! I didn't want to stop wearing it,
and it was only the chain, so I went and found the suedey
thing my other cross hung from. It still looks cool.
Suiren illustrated one of my poems "I believe". It looks
well cool but it took ages to find her all the pics she
asked for. There's some male/male couples on it, some
straight and some lesbian couples. It looks well good.
Heheh, I love site design too!
Soyokaze is playing around with a bow and arrow.... oh well.
Suiren is coming round today. We're gonna work.
Candles: - Spinoff for Lavender and Harmony
Lavender moved quietly, shutting the door silently on the
sleeping world. She knelt before the altar she had placed
the four candles on, bowing her head.
At sixteen years old, she was tall and slender, with a
delicate grace and poise. She had her fathers prussian blue
eyes, and something of his face shape, but her mouth was
unmistakeably her mothers, always smiling gently. There was
an unmistakeably womanly touch to her features already,
that marked her as more than simply 'pretty'. Her long
blonde hair was like his too, the same fine silky texture.
For convenience, she had half braided it, but the braid was
only half down the length of her back, untied, and the rest
simply hung as it wished.
Her clothes were of soft, printed silk, a Japanese style
dress in light purple. Her father had bought it for her
when she had told him Japanese clothes were pretty.
She looked up, a smile curving her lips enough to melt the
hardest heart. She lit a taper, and carefully shielded the
She sat up on her heels a little, so she could reach to
light the scented candles. "For mother and father, vision
of purity and strength." She closed her eyes, remembering
the warmth and depth of her parents love for each other and
their two daughters. Here, she was teased because her
parents were gay Ex-Gundam Pilots, but it didn't matter as
long she had her family's love, unlike many other children.
"For Duo and Trowa, vision of life and silence." She lit
the second candle.
It didn't seem strange to her that her entire 'family' was
gay, but to her friends it was natural. She didn't let it
matter. Duo and Trowa were always there for her parents,
helping them out whenever they needed them. When she was a
child, Duo had always been ready to play, teach her how to
braid her hair, how to make her mother giggle. When she
learnt to talk, it had been Duo that encoaraged her to call
the pilots her aunties and uncles, to give her a family.
The childish nicknames could still make them all smile,
remembering when she used to say their names so childishly,
like "Auntie Wuffie" and "Unkle Twieze".
That brought her to the third candle. "For Wufei and
Trieze, vision of justice and tradition."
Trieze and Wufei had been the one's most concerned with her
knowledge of right and wrong, and they had always been
funny to listen to when they got arguing.
And the final candle. She lit this carefully, making sure
to keep her concentration. "For the love between Fliss and
Anna, visions of peace and innocence, honour and power."
She thought of the two friends, who however many times they
denied it, were more than just friends.
They had been the ones to spoil her, protect her, help her
with the countless teenage perplexities that her mother and
father didn't understand. They never seemed to change,
always girlish and giggling.
Then, in her mind, Lavender envisioned a fifth candle, made
of the flames of all the others. This symbolised that all
those people had made this flame. "For myself and Harmony,
the product of these wordless loves, vision of calm and
When the flame burned brightly in her mind, she settled
back, bowing her head and placing her hands in her lap.
"Oh Guiding Spirits, I pray that you help us do our best
each day to fulfill all the dreams our family has of us,
that we can make them proud of us."
Harmony was three years younger than her, a bright eyed,
brown haired tomboy, whose wish was 'to become a great
Gundam Pilot like mommy and daddy'. She resembled her
father more than her mother, save the feminine touch to her
features and her mothers fairer complexion.
Lavender smiled warmly as she thought of the man she
called 'mother'. The term made other people think of a
woman, but it reminded Lavender of warmth, calm and
tenderness, a gentle look in blue eyes, a goodnight kiss,
soothing after a nightmare.
Her father, Heero, made her remember protection. Nothing
could hurt her daddy, he was always there, showing his love
for Quatre, her mother, silently. He could be suprisingly
gentle, yet he could be hard and unforgiving.
Lavender concentrated on the memories of her family as she
prayed, "Keep the flame of love burning in my family, and
don't let war scare us."
She concentrated hard, and it was as if the image of her
mother and father was there, flickering in the heart of the
imagined flame. She saw her fathers firm hold on the man
who was her mother, she saw him pull him close to sleep.
Then the image was replaced with her sister, the covers
pulled up to her waist, reading. "Goodnight, Harmony." She
Lavender opened her eyes, the feeling of peace and family
love thick with her again. Felicity had taught her this
little ritual, for when things got overwhelming, and she
needed to feel her family's support.
Silently blowing out the candles, she left the little room,
closing the door behind her.