Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2003-04-14 06:29:28 (UTC)

monday mid morning rant

the first of many

soon, it will come

to this, whatever

isn't it horrible? the
way things sometimes just
enter into the mind?

unbidden? i get this way
at times and i can never
seem to understand why this

it is perhaps one of those
great mysteries about my life

for instance, as i type this,
i am noticing the veins in my
arms seem to by pumping the
blood, and yet it's the mere
fascination with it that invokes
a simple and yet, so obvious
inclanation towards curiosity
that has a need like the primal
forces that drive my own sexual
desires upon..........

my, see what i mean, i just lost
whatever it was that was frothing
to the fore

well, so be it

i've taken to doing things i might
not other wise do..

1) i started to read the Beauty Myth
by naomi wolfe, and interesting look
at why, or perhaps, because i've not
read the whole book, the reasons behind
why womyn do the things they do and
how to change their common actions.

it's all about empowerment, but as a
grrl i know said, you have to take it
with a grain of salt...

it seems at points, of course, I
jump around when i read books that
tend towards the "self actualization"
and skip chapters, or read the last
pages first and so on and so forth..

it seems, that some of it is really,
I MEAN, REALLY good... other parts
seem likes its pandering towards some
whining drivel about how life sucks
if you are woman, and somehow can't
see past the bullshit heaped upon
you by the media...

on the other hand... it points out
some stuff, I know i find interesting
and, to be honest, a little enlightening,
although, most of which i have found
or witnessed though, perhaps not put
into words, those bits of knowledge..

perhaps, it was always in my brain,
perhaps, i always knew it, of course
living with a left wing feminist all your
life, sort of puts you into the mind
set to begin with anyways.. i think..

its a fine look, and i think, guys should
read it more than women should, if
for no other reason than, i know a couple
of guys who NEED to understand some
of the stuff written in it..

and i'm called a misogynist, i am, to
a point, i think, i've been called one,
but i don't strive to it, nor do i
particularly abide it either...


the second thing...

well, shit, i've forgotten, what the
second thing is..

mmm, couldn't have been all that
important if i can't remember...

so be it..

damn, now i remember...

personality tests..

eneagrams, keirsey, and all those other

kinds of psyche tests...

yeah, so, anyways, i've been doing them
off and on for months, and years..

and you know what?

I am too fucked up for them..

those who do them, can't figure out
why it is, that when i do one, last
month, and then another this month

my scores, are in an entirely different

i don't go out of my way to lie, or
to change how I feel about them, the
tests i mean.. I in fact try as hard
as i can to make sure, i know how
and why i am answering them in whatever
way i am feeling and thinking..

now, in the keirsey, i am "X n t p"

the "X" being the mid point between
introverted and extroverted..

I am both, depending on the day of the
week, or the month it seems..

words like mystifying come to my mind

but i suppose it fits..

eneagrams are the real burner...

i've taken about 19 online tests, multiple

i am, a 2, 4, 5, 6, and 7... there are
only 9 types..

wtf??? i do one of them each week, and they
always turn up different..

i think i should keep track of how many of
which comes up to give me a better idea
but still...

you'd think it would come up the same, or
about the same every time...


oh well...

back to the drawing board..

and the pillow...

i am sooo, tired...