purple star

Great Disappointment

oh, how i smiled then, so near the cherished ones. i knew
they would appear... saw not a single one. oh, how i
smiled then, waiting so patiently. i'd make a wish and
bleed. while i waited i was wasting away. i can
remember... dreamt them so vividly, soft creatures draped
in white, light kisses gracing me. i can remember when i
first realized dreams were the only place to see them.
while i waited i was wasting away. hope was wasting away.
faith was wasting away. i was wasting away. i never,
never wanted this. i always wanted to believe, but from
the start i'd been deceived. i never, never wanted this.
inside a crumbling effigy, so dies all innocence. but you
promised me... ~afi

one day im going to walk down the streets of baltimore and
see them. one day im going to walk into a store and be
stopped by a man. on that day, hes going to ask me for
some money. and im going to reach into my purse. and im
going to pull out a rose. one day that man is going to ask
me for money and i will look at him. that day, im going to
realize that this face played in my past. and im going to
look away, and he will see. the gleam of the sun catching
on my tear. he will watch as the tear bounces off the
rose. and he will think that im crying because ive had a
bad morning. but i will know that im crying because ive
just caught a glimpse of what my future could have been.
maybe he will know me, or feel that he has seen me some
place before. or maybe he will curse me for only ever
offering him a rose. in the present and the past.