Kinarra

Diary of an American Witch
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2003-04-13 07:59:27 (UTC)

My life changes today

Tonight I conquered my fear, and for that will I gain great
rewards. It has been quite a while since I have felt so at
peace. I sleep better than I have in months, because I go
to bed knowing that tomorrow I will carve my own path,
instead of standing still, and hoping that fate will lead
me through the wilderness. Great destinies do not happen
to those who hide under their bed sheets.
I found myself today, thinking of Jamie, and what he had
done, he lied to me, or rather, he put a spin on the
situation with his girlfriend that made me believe he was
no longer really with her. It is complicated. But what I
wondered was why he would have done all the things that he
did, if he was planning to stay with her all along? It
astounds me, because I never thought of Jamie as the kind
of guy that had the dishonesty in him to play me as he
did. What possible reason did he have to do what he did,
to lie about the situation with his girlfriend (I thought
ex girlfriend)? There have been men in my life before who
have lied to me, but they (in hindsight) have always had
the kind of personality of a dishonest person. With Jamie,
I never saw it coming.
But what I realized was, it does not matter. I don't want
revenge, his Karma will find him, and whatever reasons he
had for doing what he did are none of my buisness. If I
dwell on him, then I only risk tainting myself with the
anger, and bitterness in which he has surrounded himself.

There is no pain, or hatred now. Now I only shake my head,
and feel pity for the life of cold bitterness he has
brought upon himself. His pride has estranged him from his
family (emotionally, anyway) and his need for a woman who
looks up to him, and can't function without his help, will
drive away all the young girls he is so fond of dating.


But I am moving on now, my life begins today, and I leave
Jamie, and all the pain he caused me in the ashes of the
weak little girl who spent her life under the bed sheets.

Happy thinking.
Kinarra


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