Eyes of a fallen angel

Just another Disturbance
2003-04-13 03:07:16 (UTC)

Suicide Issues

Caitlin and I are sitting here listening to our boyfriends
tell us they love us when really I think its bullshit, to
tell u the truth I don't think that ANYONE would care if
Caitlin and I were gone.... The school would be less
destructive and A LOT quieter..... hey it is caitlin i am
goin to write in a few things in this journal.... first off
we said to our boyfriends 40 times that we were goin to
slit our wrist they said i dont care.. shows how much they
love us you think..second mine and jordans life has suked
BIG TIME in the past and it still does so we have planned
to slit our wrist tomorrow .. well i am goin to let jordan
type sum more now......bye peoplez... This is Jordan Again,
Nick was talking to KIM again on the fone. I swear she
likes him. I honestly think Nick doesn't care about me half
the time he is going out with me just to say he can score
with a girl like me? What kind of Girl am I anywayz... Not
the BEAUTIFUL little miss popular ones, NOT one of those
nerdy kids that get's good grades, NOT a gangster thug
wannabe. I am a little FREAK who is a self centered Bitch
who can't stand to have ANYTHING go wrong, everything must
be fucking peachy king. I don't understand the person I am
becoming, hell I honestly am worried about what I be grow
up to be like. About the committing suicide thing... I said
I wasn't one of those chickz and I'm not! I don't want to
committ Suicide, I just say that to make myself feel more
like a fucked up girl, which I'm not but Hey no one likes
me anywayz so whats the point, I can be a loner in life
talk to NO ONE be an anti social bitch! My Goal in life is
to die in a painful and torturous way just like I fucked up
in life... I fucked up MAJORLY and i caused people pain and
torture so i want it back 12 times HARDER so give it to me
give it to me NOW, I want it NOW Not when I'm 98 years old
and cant walk, talk, sleep and breathe on my own. I want it
now! Well another goal in life is to find SOMEONE who
understands me for me not for the person I act like, Jordan
DEEP down inside and I mean deep! NO ONE i think will ever
kno me for me, I am going to live life a lie a fucking L-I-E
What a great way to live, don't you think?

I don't even know myself